Times are hard

Next week I will be 62. This is usually a day to look forward to. This year I will let it pass, my birthday. This doesn’t mean I will not enjoy certain elements, but my truth is heavy. Two weeks ago I’ve asked for my prognoses. People who have followed my blog know that I have a reasonably positive character. Maybe the tone I used was even a little on the merry side. But the close reader must have noticed a more serious tone in this past year. Especially since this summer, the options seemed to be rapidly diminishing. Agents, that seemed to work lost their effect. New products were not available or would probably not be effective anyway. In October they found out that my myeloma had mutated to an aggressive form for which there is no remedy.

A nasty cure of 3 months at he end of 2012 had somehow slowed things down a little, but it was at that stage too hard to continue with. A trial with dendrites seemed like a little spot of light, but this too has appeared not to be successful.
At this moment there is nothing left to do but to accept the unacceptable. After more than six and a half years it seems inevitable. I never thought it would be so hard to write this blog. For weeks I have been thinking if a how to do this.

In the meantime I have received radiotherapy. Much will depend on the efficacy of this radiotherapy. Will I be there to enjoy this summer? Only time can tell.

I will enjoy myself. With all my strength. Like I have done my entire life. These will be difficult and beautiful days. I’m going to cherish them one by one. I will keep writing my blog. Don’t be afraid to comment. I have always felt a lot of support from my fellowbloggers and your comments. I have always been grateful for that.
On Monday I start a combination cure. Revlimid and Bortezomib with Dexamethason. It feels, in spite of the nasty side effects, good to continue. Though even if it works it will be of temporary nature.

My leg is still swollen, hopefully the radiotherapy will be fruitful. It seems to have shrunk some today.

Times are hard.