Today, apart from the work and the tiredness and normal feelings of insignificance, I am awash with excitement. Dare I say it, the excitement is palpable, that is, if I had not spent my day talking about risk management. I am excited because tomorrow marks my first physiotherapy appointment.
A build up to anything causes excitement, or apprehension, if your glass is half empty. On this subject, my glass is three-quarters full. I was referred to the physiotherapist in December and a mere four months later, I actually get to see whether it is worth it. It’s been a longer wait really, for I asked for a referral when I was on PADIMAC, way back when in 2012. I believe on that occasion, my request was immediately dismissed as folly.
So much hope for my immediate future rests on the success of it. One could say that I am setting myself for disappointment, but keep up, my glass is half full. I do not have a barometer for improvement, I do not know what improvement will look or feel like. Right now though, I think that anything is better than what I have right now and what I have right now, much to my initial denial, is chronic pain. That is pain, to varying degrees, everyday and every night.
I am a realist, it’s not going to get me doing cartwheels nor is it going to get me on a roller coaster, but it may mean that I can stand for longer than I can stand right now, or sit for longer than I can sit right now. I might be able to be seen less often with my walking stick. It may possibly be able to walk that little bit further, or walk that little bit further and not have to hide the pain I am in, because I am not in any pain. I then, could try and address my ever expanding waist and boost by deflating confidence by being able to be that little bit more active than I am at the moment. It might even lead to me not looking at Vauxhall and Lambeth Bridges with longing and melancholy, remembering my lunchtime walk of old. Maybe, I’ll be able to look in the fridge without worrying if I will get up again. Then, there is the prospect of being capable of glancing at my blind spot. Hell, it may even allow me to think about my body just that little bit less than I do at the moment.
The sky is the limit, or put another way, anything is better than nothing and that excited me.
In case you are thinking that lytic lesions cannot be cured by physiotherapy, let me bring you up to speed. December’s MRI scan found that my lesions were improving and it was suggested that the continued level of my pain was part muscular, and thus, I may benefit from physiotherapy. Not just any old physiotherapy, tomorrow, I will be stepping foot into a magic place called the Royal Hospital of Integrated Medicine. The building is a shit hole, but hopefully, beauty will be on the inside.
Tomorrow, the chances are, I will be singing from a different hymn sheet, but the hopeful part of me, today at least, is getting just that little bit excited. It won’t happen over night, but who cares? I love a project.
EJB x
