That goodness it is Friday. Such is my relief that I have made it to Friday, I will repeat my gratitude for it finally being Friday. I have wanted it to be Friday since Saturday night, and what do you know? The day has finally arrived.
I am thankful it is Friday not because I have had an arduous week at work and I am getting ready to let off some much needed steam over my weekend break, I am thankful it is a Friday because I have had an arduous week in my bed and now, I no longer have to be in there. I knew two weeks ago, as my last crash drew to a close, that I would be unwell this week. I opt to take all my steroids in one go, and I know that the consequences of that is an empty brain and a weak body. It is how my cookie crumbles. Even though I know that a massive cloud will be over me for up to a week and I can prepare for it, it is still an incredibly hard thing to do, and around Monday or Tuesday (days 5 and 6) there will be a point where I want it to end and it is for that reason that I am glad it is Friday. I have another one in the bag, it’s almost a dignified bag if you discount all the talk of poo in my flat this week. I no longer have to worry about how and if I am going to manage my crash. I am glad it is Friday because this crash did not break me. I will have the same goal in three weeks time.
On my new treatment, I have now had three steroid crashes. The drugs remove the brain capacity for me to be able to tell you how many days in bed this equates to. I can tell you that between Sunday evening and Wednesday morning of this week, I existed in the confounds of my flat only, with just a pleasant man and his dog for company. Had I not had to attend the hospital on Wednesday, I wager I could have added a day to that tally. With the three crashes in six weeks, and the ten I had in My Myeloma’s first incarnation, one could say I am an old pro when it comes to how I should manage them. I mean one could say that, whether it is actually true is a different matter entirely. I am being more organised, but the truth is, I get through it on a wing and a prayer. To me, a successful crash is one where I do not allow myself to feel too sorry for my situation. Using that barometer, this crash has been a moderate success.
For the block of days every cycle when my mouth always tastes like tin, the skin around my neck and back feels constantly bruised, I cannot follow a simple conversation, the need but not necessarily act of sleep is my constant companion, my mood has been altered to such a point that the threat of paranoid induced physical violence is never far away nor is the dizzy spell and I am so constipated that a suppository just will not do, I do seem to be developing some key skills and tools to keep my frown upside down. The crash situation is always precarious, but I have found that these few simple things make it much more bearable;
• Where possible, I should look after myself, it may not be rocket science but this crash is my job and I want to get an exceeded
• A fully stocked fridge and freezer, specifically with items that can be reheated or prepared in five minutes
• Fresh fruit ice lollies, sour drinks , Starbursts and anything else that will temporarily remove the taste of metal with a hint of vomit flavoured halitosis
• The shower, never underestimate the power of a clean peach
• Getting dressed and moving, even for an hour, from my bed to the sofa is the equivalent of an exhibition and a trip to the theatre during crash week
• Having a Mamma Jones and a Big Sister on the other end of the telephone to chat my gibberish with me
• Colin and Bruce.
• Films from my childhood that have been seen a morbidly obese amount of times
• A tidy and clean(ish) flat
• Funny anecdotes from the outside world, or failing that, people letting me know that they know I am running a metaphorical marathon
• In this heat, a fan permanently directed at the body
• Remembering that it is just da ‘roids and in reality I do not hate myself and everybody else
• The knowledge that it too shall pass and I can make it until Friday
My fingers are crossed that these tactics will work in cycle three. One thing is for sure, in just over three weeks time, I will once again be wishing it were a Friday.
EJB x
