November 2008 update

Hi everyone,

Sorry its been so long, I have been busy with redecorating my new house and working on my Interior Design Degree. I am pleased to say I got A and B grades for my first assignments in my degree so I hope it continues as I would love to put my graduation picture on here in a few years time. I have also started to go to Spanish lessons  and I am learning how to paint and draw fairies so I am a busy woman at the moment :-) .

On the subject of my health, I have been feeling ok and my immunoglobulin treatment which I have monthly is keeping the infections under control. All my family have been getting chest infections and ear and throat infections and thankfully I have remained fit and well. Initially I was only supposed to be having six months treatment with the immunoglobulin infusions but it has been extended because it is working so well. Its such an expensive treatment and I am very lucky  and grateful that the National Health Service in this country is paying for it for me.

Today I am feeling low, even though I have plenty to keep me busy sometimes I can’t help but get a little down when I think of my future. Although I know I am lucky to be able to do all the things I do and I am in reasonable health and have a lovely family, I cant help being afraid and uncertain of my future.

My specialist said to me on my las monthly visit that she is re-staging me in March 2009, which basically means I am having a bone marrow biopsy, full skeletal survey (x-rays of whole body) an MRI scan an blood and urine tests. The test results will paint a picture of where I am at with this multiple myeloma, I will either be still indolent/smoldering i.e pre-myeloma or I will be full blown stage I, II or III, meaning I will need treatment i.e chemotherapy and maybe stem cell transplant. Hopefully I will still be smoldering and not need treatment.

I asked my specialist a question at my last visit and it has proved to me that you should never ask a question if you are not fully prepared for the answer!!!!! I asked how long on average does it take smoldering myeloma to turn into full blown myeloma requiring treatment?  The answer was, because of the trend and pattern of my monthly results, I will definitely require chemotherapy within 5 years. In other words I have less than 5 years before I have full blown multiple myeloma, plasma cell cancer, a blood cancer a form of leukemia any way you put it its the big C the CANCER word .

Today I feel like I am waiting for the inevitable, I have felt very tired and run down in general today and when I feel like this I get low and depressed and start to dwell on my illness. I have my monthly immunoglobulin treatment on Thursday 27th November so its round about this time of the month I begin to worry about my results from last month. I hate it when the specialist approaches me for my results, I am just waiting for those dreaded words, you need to start chemotherapy, you have progressed and now have full blown cancer.   I am not over reacting this is my life, every month I may hear those words, this is the cruelest  way  to develop  an incurable disease, you know its coming and your just waiting.  I  know there are many thousands of people worse off than me  and bless them all, but I have a right to feel a little sorry for myself every now and then because I am human.

Until next time, I will carry on with my studying and my hobbies, carry on enjoying family life, carry on looking forward to the warmth of the spring and the heat of the summer, and carry on praying for a cure for multiple myeloma. Bless you all xxxxx