Sex Education

It is a well known fact that I am a Single Lady. I was a single lady before my diagnosis and I am a single lady after it. It’s probably for the best, if I was attached before my diagnosis, that person would be a bit of an arse if they dumped me when they found out that my body was a mess and I was going to go bald. Somedays I wished there was an actual significant other to help me sleep, comfort me during the dark times and who says night night. Sure, Housemate says goodnight and good morning, but I am not his type, and most the time it is through my bedroom door. I cannot see amour happening any time soon, for I do not go anywhere and let’s be honest, I have bigger fish to fry. For the day love does return to my life in a requited form, Macmillan Cancer Support have thoughtfully and kindly produced a leaflet. It is no laughing matter, okay?


Unfortunately, there is not a chapter in here about Myeloma and living with bone lesions and a squishy spine. I assume, My Myeloma and me just have to read between the lines.

One thing this leaflet is keen to point out is that intimacy is important. Stroking. I think that was kind of a given, but it’s good to know that it is still important for those of us suffering from cancer. December is usually a good time of the year for me in this regard, but not this year. The Wan Birthday curse is over. I will just have to snuggle up to EMan (the teddy bear) and at least this year I also have my pregnancy pillow to recreate having another body in my bed. Perhaps I should purchase a hot water bottle.

I understand that is generally considered uncouth to discuss such things publicly, but I can do what I want. I have cancer. Dear Dad, do not read any further, you will not like it. Plus Macmillan Cancer Support think it is a good idea, and I do what they advise in most circumstances. Though I did stop myself from picking up the guidance on an early death yesterday, we are not there yet.


So, let us start at the very beginning. Below are some useful tips for the Singles.


Questionable fertility? Check. Reduced lifespan? Check. A change in body? Check. I’m a catch. I’m a catch! Is anybody interested? If you are, at least you know in all likelihood, you’ll be set free from the commitment by your 60s. Maybe not, there could be a miracle. The allogenic transplant can be a cure in some rare instances according to the gospel of Wikipedia.

If we can get by that hurdle, this considerate guidance is rather helpful. Do take note.


This will clearly require a change in tack on my part.

I don’t want to make anybody take pity on me, but I think the third paragraph is noteworthy. I have interpreted it as therapeutic. I am pretty sure I could still produce a good snog when my mouth does not taste of tin. That’ll be next week by the way.


That is it for now, there are more pages, but I have picked out the sections relevant to me.

As ever, I am pleased to me able to bring to you the realities of being a twenty something with cancer. Desperation.