Hello 2013. 2012 is dead.

It is customary at this juncture, for one to make resolutions in an attempt to improve their quality of life. I have no quality of life, so there is no need for me to make any resolutions. There is one thing and one thing only I want to happen this year and no resolution from me is going to make it happen. I suppose I also want a cure for myeloma, but at this point, I would just settle for remission or whatever it is called for those of use with myeloma. Please. Really.

Clearly, I was joking when I said I had no quality of life. I meant to say that nothing about me needs improvement apart from the cancer inside, and I can do nothing about that. That is why I do not need any resolutions. I am almost Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way, my Mum told me so. As I do have extra time on my hands these days, I have time to observe, research and ponder. I now know that there are people out there who do need some minor improvements, but are too busy to think about how they can better themselves, so I give you me at my most altruistic, and below I have drafted a few suggested resolutions, which I think could make your 2013 better. Feel free to tweak them as you see fit.

Now, I know you may have already sorted your resolutions for this year or think that they are a pile of hooey, but it is not too late. I am constantly being told how many people love or like me, so you know it makes sense to listen to me. I am Yoda.

1/ Live each day to the fullest, for you do not know when your ability to do so will be taken away. If this means you want to spend your weekend watching television, then so be it. That takes me to my next point.

2/ Do not judge. Or failing that, keep your judging to yourself. The latter works for me.

3/ Donate money to any form of cancer research.

4/ Be 50% selfish. Everybody needs to be selfish, but only partly.

5/ Must not complain of minor medical ailments as if they are like the worst thing that could happen, like ever. There is always somebody suffering from something worse than you. Grow some.

6/ Save money for a rainy day/take out life insurance. It’s only practical.

7/ Get a donor card. Give blood. Give away your baby’s chord. Do anything that can benefit the sick without interfering with your life too much (see point 4).

8/ Be a fan of all forms of stem cell research regardless of the ethics (see the first half of point 4).

9/ Stop smoking. Just because…

10/ Watch at least one non-Disney film made before 1980 a month. Educational.

11/ Don’t go for second best baby, put your love to the test. You know, you know, you’ve got to make him express how he feels and then you’ll know your love is real. Express yourself.

12/ Embrace your sensitive side, so you can read number 13 without retching.

13/ Put a little love in your heart.

No need to thank me. You are most welcome.

Happy New Year. 2013 will be where it is at.