POST 31 – A time of sad rememberance

This wasn’t a post that I had expected to write….well not like this anyway. Those of you who know me on a personal level will know that just over a week ago, I found out that my dear mum had been killed in a traffic accident. She was knocked over whilst crossing a road. It was a terrible, tragic accident but the one blessing is that there is no blame to be laid…in fact our whole family really feels for the driver and his family.

Mum was 81 years old and had suffered and recovered from so much over the past decade…bowel cancer, skin cancer, heart attacks and TIA’s. We never dreamt that we would lose her in this manner. I don’t even know whether it has sunk in yet.

It’s a strange situation. I spent a large proportion of my life wondering when I’d get the phonecall as she had told me since I was about 10, that her family had died young. Going on holiday always held a slight fear for me that I’d get a call saying that something had happened. But it never ever, crossed my mind that it might happen like it did. A sudden phone

My mum was an amazing woman in so many ways. She brought up 6 children on a vicar’s salary. Even my dad would say that she did most of the work here as he was out looking after his parish. She ran a thriving guide pack, completed two degrees (when I was young), learnt how to paint, fundraised for her church, helped with Pathfinders until she was 80 and once I was diagnosed, was a massive part of my fundraising for Myeloma UK. From the cards that have flooded in since her death, she touched the lives of so many people, in such a positive way.

I had often wondered how I would react when the day came. Being the youngest by 9 years in our family, I had thought I would crumble and fall to pieces – I had a very different relationship with her than my siblings as I was bought up in many ways, like an only child. She was someone that I would call when things went wrong….and when they went right.

But I haven’t crumbled….well not much anyway. There are days when I get really upset. And I am totally ineffective at the moment. I walk round in a daze starting jobs and never finishing them. If I promise to do something, don’t bank on my promises for once. But thanks I think, to my amazing dad and siblings, and of course the ever wonderful Nick, I have been able to keep going in a way that I didn’t think would be possible. I think it’s what she would have wanted too.

My mum had been planning her funeral for a number of years. I think with the scares that she had gone through, she knew that it might not be a million miles away and so she talked about it openly with us. I always told her to be quiet and that I didn’t want to talk about it till it happened. She always laughed and carried on. She had planned the day….we know what readings and what hymns she wanted. We know that she wanted it to be a celebration of her life and not a mourning of her death. I hope we will make her proud of her when we say our final goodbyes on Monday. I know I am very proud of her….and will miss her immensely now I can’t just call her to say hello or to tell her of another Challenge achieved. But I will keep talking to her….even though I still can’t believe it.

And just finally, a massive thank you to all our amazing family and friends for their love, support and kind messages. At such a difficult time, you all make it so much easier. xxxx