Stupid Myeloma! Stupid Cancer! Stupid Side Effects! You stole my life :(
So just when
I think my MM numbers might have turned around, and I’m thinking 10mg + 15mg
Rev is kickin in and doing it’s thing for me, Bam! my most recent labs hit me
with elevated IgA and elevated M-protein AGAIN. Ugh! So disappointing… and me, the
eternal optimist, always trying to think positive about this stupid situation, I
am stupidly surprised when my cancer numbers are elevated. Geezz, hello Julie,
you have incurable cancer, whatcha expect? Not a happy camper here.
Mint Chip it is!
when I think I won’t have much news to report, and my post will be relatively short, so much always seems to happen
in this life. Just
after I posted last, I found out my incredible Oncologist/Hematologist who has
seen me through this 5 year, 10 month MM journey, has her own health issues and
has to take extended time off. The office says she’s “gone indefinitely!, but
may be back”. My heart just broke for her… and me. She has been
such a wonderful Doctor for me, as she’s such a caring, professional, intelligent
woman. I have loved our relationship, as she would always take endless time to listen
carefully, analyze my facts and stats, and go with whatever I felt comfortable with, based
upon my MM type and status, blood work, and side effects. I think the stress of
Oncology really affected her, as she really cared about her patients. I will
miss her terribly. “The Only Constant Is Change” they say…
|Beautiful lady, inside and out!|
They have assigned me another wonderful woman Dr and she
just happens to be the Head of the Oncology/Hematology Dept. Maybe word is out, that I am “high
maintenance” and require a Dr that is willing to take lots of time to
communicate/analyze with me in great detail! I enjoyed meeting her, and I think we will do just fine together!
shockeroo, that I’m sure most of you have heard about, is the recent
flash flood disaster in Zion, Utah, killing 7 Canyoneering Hikers in a freak,
sudden extreme thunderstorm. We knew some members of this club, and our hearts
are so broken for them and their families. Such a sudden disaster, spotlighting
Mother Nature’s natural furry unleashed. I cannot fathom what their families are experiencing and our hearts go out them. I cannot wrap my small brain around so many “Bad things happening to Good people” continually…
I lament how limited
my life is now due to my volcanic GI and debilitating fatigue and weird physical side effects. I so
miss my outdoorsy adventuresome self. How I wish to venture out on walks,
hikes, rides, local travels, etc. How I miss my spontaneous life of just getting
out there on beautiful days, inhaling life and our world’s beauty. But honestly, I’ve
never been into high adrenaline sports. I always erred on the “safe side” of
everything, always “fearing” what might or could happen. Sure I’ve had some
close calls with horses (bucked off, falling off, lol etc) and those were always huge wake up calls! My kids
sometimes comment that they wish we didn’t parent them with so much caution.
Perhaps my over-analytical self, always thinking of “actions and consequences” worked over time, and here I am now, feeling cheated out….
So it’s always very thought provoking to me, the people that just “Do It”, and get out there
and partake in adventures on an entirely different level than I ever have or
ever will. They never miss out on fascinating adventures, as I did, and currently am…
shockeroo has been so many student/college-age suicides in my local circle. Whether by choice or
“accidental” drugs/alcohol related, it is such a tragedy that there are so many
of us with debilitating, incurable, chronic illnesses doing everything to live,
and so many sad souls out there who are so sad and depressed, they see no other option.
Just so very heartbreaking to know of young lives snuffed out by choice, and us
cancer patients are “dying to live” and they were “living to die”…
So here’s my
lousy recent blood test news- stupid myeloma please leave me alone!
WBC’s = 2.8 (low= why I feel so fatigued,
with volcanic GI) 4 – 11 = normal range
IgA = 1770 = (up again, over 4x high normal) 70 – 400 = normal range
ANC = 1.3 (low = bad) normal range = 1.8 – 7.7
It’s interesting how I can associate and connect my current
physical side effects and yucky feelings now. I look back retrospectively to
2008, 2009 and have those Ah-ha moments where I can associate my weird symptoms
and physical feelings from back then, with what is happening now. I can actually
“feel” the myeloma taking over and how it makes me “feel”.
I IGNORED IT, back then, but I now know what my extreme fatigue,
breathlessness, extreme headaches, nausea, GI issues, achy, prickly feverish
feelings mean. Constantly having an over-all, ever-present feeling of the
intestinal flu, and being on Fire from the Inside out all the time, is the best
way to describe my life. But I do what little I can, when I can do those little
things I can!
So those days when it’s just so crazy HOT outside, and I’m just burning up on the Inside, I just say WHATEVER!… and treat myself to a bowl of Mint Ice Cream and call it a day!
Hoping you are fulfilling your dreams and goals daily! DON’T WAIT, OR PUT THINGS OFF! Your time is of the essence, everyday! Make it count, and please smile at the little things, and be kind to yourself and others always!
Live happy, live well, and make a difference somewhere, somehow, with someone or something as often as you can!