Nothing stays the same

Well, the only thing that doesn’t change in life is that everything changes. My dad’s life is unrecognizable from what it was less than 2 months ago. At times it’s surreal. At other times, so much has happened since 9/2, it feels like a lifetime of stress and sadness has gone by. My dad has stage 4 squamous cell lung cancer. And, just when we thought we’d heard the worst, his lung cancer doctor sent him for an MRI of his brain, and, of course, they found it there too. 3 small spots. Oddly enough, the radiation oncologist that is going to do gamma knife radiation on him to try to get rid of those spots is a guy who used to sit in with my dad’s poker group years ago.

I am stressed to the max. I spend all day at the cancer center with my dad on Tuesdays and then go back on Thursdays with Tim. Then, there are the other appointments my dad has too. It’s crazy. I am also touring assisted living places because I really don’t think we can keep this up without my parents moving closer to me and where he is being treated. He lost a lot of weight and strength from that long hospitalization and he is so depressed and worried, he is not doing his exercising. He is still using a walker and his clothes are literally falling off him.

The stress is affecting me, no doubt about it. And, as always, I am taking care of everyone but myself. I’ve said it before, I suck at self-care, and, yes, I know the whole thing, “I’m no good to anyone else if I get sick” and “put your oxygen mask on first so you can help others.” Yep, I get it. Still suck at it though.

I am also still trying to rent my apartment. The market is flooded with rentals right now and I have turned down a few people too. I don’t want to deal with issues. I will wait to find someone that doesn’t come with problems. I just hope it’s soon. Too bad it has stairs. I could put my parents there.

Oh and my kid called last night. There was another incident at her college that almost warranted another lock down. Some sketchy guy walked up to a female student asking where the most populated area of campus was and saying she would see the results of her “help” on facebook live later. WTF? And if that wasn’t enough, one of the girls Liv was supposed to rent a house with next year, stalled off and they lost the house. The new house she’s looking at with a few other girls appears to be right near two registered sex offenders, according to a list someone posted yesterday to warn people where not to trick or treat in NJ towns.

Did I mention I was stressed????!!!!

As Charlie Brown would say………GOOD GRIEF.