I feel if more of us thought about our mortality beyond, ‘Am I going to heaven or hell?’ Maybe folks would put down picket signs *metaphorically. What if the world took a hard look at the direction hate is going and stood up at the same time to stop it where they saw it? What if we looked at life as more of a Challenge”, to Life Itself, what if we chose to Exist and to Matter Positively, regardless of whether we belong to a fundamentalist group of some kind or not? Just a thought. Living life for me since myeloma, has been more of a Dare that I intend on beating the odds.

If we looked at death as a finish line in some life race, we would spend all of our time looking forward or trying to elbow or outpace the people next to us, racing exactly the same direction. There is no time to hesitate once the gun sounds and you are running, you just go… What if we lagged behind to make sure the end of the road is in the same direction your heart intends to go… not just the direction of the road paved before you. Anyway, my brain tangents.

I finished a book recently, Conversations With God, by Neil Walsh. The book was written during the same year as my spiritual awakening or revival in 1994. This book reads like my personal journals, so I thought it would be easy to read, and it was. Anyway, if you have an open mind and heart, you can glean much knowledge from reading books by philosophers and spiritual leaders, but you ultimately have to trust your heart and your mind and your faith in something *in my experience – without faith in something greater – life is possible, but significantly more hellish in nature*

I have never been able to quantify the God that I know, or that has guided me my entire life. These types of books are encouraging to people like me that feel they have had these conversations for years, but thought it was merely chemo or mental illness.

Back to death, I have been in the room with at least 30 dead people at one time, and with humans on their way out, or had ‘just left’. It is my personal experience that a body with a soul and a body without a soul are completely different, therefore, I find some strange peace in knowing that at the time of departure, a soul is no longer connected to the body. When a body leaves the earth, it endures much trauma, and is sometimes like the trauma of a childbirth. The knowledge that I will not be connected to my body gives me peace, but I also have peace in the knowledge that whomever we Love that we lose, never truly leaves us. I believe they are connected to every thing and person they have ever touched and they will remain as present as your mind allows them to be.

There is something comforting in the neuroscience of the brain, as it relates to memory… When we clear out the old, we make room for the best memories of those we love, so when we lose them, we do not feel the loss as deeply because – if you are open to it, there is comfort in allowing faith in something to wrap their loving arms around you to remind you that you are never alone.