Our daughter has always been indecisive, so deciding which college to go to proved to be a huge hurdle for her. Finally, I had to put a deadline on it. The deposits have to be in by May 1st and, left up to her, she’d be telling me her answer on April 30th. So, yesterday was the day. The stress I have been under was really getting to me. The 2 colleges we were down to are VERY different, both having their good points and bad points, as everything in life does. Add into that mix all the unknowns and surprises you know are ahead with both of them and it was a daunting task. So, she chose Monmouth, which is about 70 miles away and right near the beach. And, even though I was not on board with this school for a long time, I began to realize recently that it was probably a better fit for her and that she seemed more excited about that school than any of the others we toured and applied to. I think it was a good choice. I felt like a weight was lifted off of me once the decision was made. I got on the computer and electronically enrolled her and sent the deposit. In 4 months, we will be dropping her off. It’s still SO surreal to me. I try to be excited, and I am, for her, but, there’s a lot of loss here to cope with too. Losses that other families do not understand. But, I don’t speak of them to Liv. I told her it’s time for her to create her own life now and this is the first step. I realize, once again, what a selfless person my husband is. He wants to try to make her life as normal as possible, despite his cancer. He does not want MM to keep her from doing the things she wants to do. Another person might make her go to the closer college, or commute and live home, so we could see her more. To know how much time we will lose being together as a family is sad to think about. But, he would never hold her back for his sake. He amazes me still, every day.
Lots of changes going on. In 2 weeks she will be 18. There are 3 weeks left of her last softball season. 2 months left of high school. 4 months left before we drop her off to start her new life as a college student. I feel the clock ticking, with every fiber of my being. I don’t feel ready for this. But, are we ever ready for these seismic shifts in our lives? I think not. We just muddle through them the best that we can. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.