Meltdown 101


Hello world…

This week was total MELTDOWN week for me… Total Emotional Meltdown :((

So much to tell, share, let go of… but I am too beat up, too exhausted…

So here’s the headlines:

Had to call 911 for my hubby on Tuesday, as “he fell and couldn’t get up”…
He was taken to ER, fortunately ok, nothing broken, fractured
On top of that, he’s really declining each day
New challenges for him, me, our family every day
Never ever expected any of this sadness and illness chaos
So much physical and psychological challenge every day…
So much body betrayal on all levels

Had my monthly Dr appt on Monday, with lousy news:
IGA up 200 points, @ 1440 …(normal = 70-400)
Last month’s “no M Protein” was a misread or fluke
M Protein is actually up, at 1.19 …(normal = zero)
Beta2Microglobulin is 2.3 …(normal = 1 – 1.8)
Light Chains = low or normal

New changes:
My Dr and I discussed increasing my Velcade and Cytoxan dose
If you’ve been reading my blog for a long time, you know my response to that… NOPE!
One change, one increase at a time for me
Less is more
Let’s see if one increase works
Let’s see which increase causes which side effects, rather than increase both, and not know what side effects are happening from what

So I agreed to increase the Velcade dose
Received 2 lovely injections on Monday
Had nausea later the next 2 days
Ok now, better
Hopefully this increase will pound myeloma’s ego back a bit

I had a complete emotional meltdown this week… not about me
I’m learning to reach out and ask for help
It’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to not be strong
I call medical professionals more now, than I ever did with my cancer situation
I cry, yell, sob, scream, talk to myself, talk to the Universe, and experience the spectrum of intense emotions more with my husband’s situation, than I ever did with my myeloma diagnosis, treatments.
I am just completely overwhelmed and devastated on so many levels.
Of course my treatments and side effects complicate it all, but watching him decline and see Alzheimer’s completely steal who he is, how he is, what and who he used to be able to do… is just so incredibly tragic, awful to see and live, day in and day out…

I’m sooooooooo beat up…

I will write more next time… I hope.
Thank you for reading and caring, and checking in!