Megatron

So, there we have it, I have had the Megatron, formally known as Melphalan. It has actually started. I have said it three times today, and thought it a few times more; there is no going back now. After six months of planning and waiting, I am here. I am scared, but today, my main emotion is excitement. Getting the Melphalan in me, is my starting point. Thank fuck for that. Finally.

At 13:56hrs today, a big old bag of the toxin, made its way through my PICC line, after an anti-sickness, some steroids and saline. This was followed by another trickle of saline. Easy peasy, right? Well, I guess for that, and the three anti sickness drugs I have in my possession, time will tell…

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On the side effects side of things, my body is behaving the way I was told it would behave. I feel okay. Yes, ‘okay’ is the right word, well, maybe a few notches under ‘okay’. I am tired, sure, I have had a busy day after all, and I have been out this evening looking at the healthy people on Tottenham Court road whilst eating pizza and drinking as much fizzy water as I can because my stomach decides that it cannot take it anymore. I have not been able to be as attentive to my phone and social media as I wold have liked, and I have only checked my Blackberry once. I have managed to see some friends in a place that was not my hotel room, because the Medically Trained People advised me to leave my half way house, if I could. I am not pooing out my immune system yet, nor am I vomiting my guts out. Give that time.

I am aware that I had many challenges today, I do not need to spell that out, but I can confirm that my biggest challenge looked something like this:

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For 35 minutes as the Megatron entered by body, I sat on my adjustable chair and made my way through not one, not two, not even three, but four orange Calypsos. It is a well established fact that I like ice lollies, but not that much. My initial approach had to be adapted approximately twenty minutes in, when I could no longer place the entire icicle in my mouth to suck because my jaw started to lock, and had to resort to licking the tip. Boys, take note. I tried to be graceful, but alas, the other patients thought it was funny (they had been through it before), one challenged me to see how many I could get through and I realised that I cannot eat with ice in my mouth, especially to strangers.*

And that was it. Chemo in. I am going to lose my hair now. I am going to get sick. And, I knew it when I woke up this morning after a terrible nights sleep, I knew something I was not ready to say until that point… Bring. It. On.

Bring it on. I can take it.

EJB x

* The record in the Ambulatory Care for the number of ice lollies in a single session by the way, is nine. I think they had a sweet tooth.