You’re trying to win, but I’m going to outsmart you!
You’re trying to ruin my life, but I’m not going to let you.
It’s still hard to accept you are real in my life, even with everything I have gone through.
Talking about you MYELOMA, saying the word CANCER, still is surreal. When people ask about me, I talk about you and how you affect me very matter-of-factly, like I am reporting about someone else. It’s all still just an out of body experience… even 4 years later. I’m still trying to be Julie before diagnosis.
And so when you returned Myeloma, after I scored REMISSION over you, I still thought you were not for real in my life. I still thought one of my Oncologists would one day say, “we are so very sorry Julie, we misdiagnosed you! You are just fine! We apologize for mixing up your medical records with another Julie.
When you returned last year Myeloma, boldly invading my immune system and trying to dominate my fragile physiology, I really thought this minimal medication regimen would again stomp you into oblivion. I keep naively thinking I’m different; that the normal rules don’t apply to me.. ha!
Well you have humbled me again Myeloma
You have shown me how tenacious you are
You have shown me that I need to step up my battle and pummel you with greater chemical intensity
But don’t forget Myeloma, I will not let you win!
Yesterday, at my monthly oncology appointment, I found out good news and bad news. I found out that my current diet of medications is having a bit of an impact on you Myeloma:
I found out that my IgA Immunoglobulins have basically stayed the same since last month, decreasing only a tiny bit
I found out that my M-Protien, M-Spike has increased a tiny bit.
Emphasis on tiny bit for both…
So Myeloma, I found out that it’s time step up the battle against you! That the current “low dose” levels of Revlimid and Dex will need to be increased, if I am to send you packing again Myeloma. I must accept that you exist in my body, and you’re trying to kill me. I can’t pretend you don’t, and that you’ll just magically disappear.
Watch out Myeloma, I’m bringing on the higher dose arsenal to have a more powerful impact on beating you!
At this appointment, I asked my oncologist if we could go one more month (February) at the 5mg level of Revlimid. She understands the issue of “quality of life”. She remembers my severe allergic reaction to higher levels of Rev (15mg). She also mentioned there are several more Myeloma treatment options now. She is very kind to me, and very reassuring. I read a lot online, so I know I have other chemo options. I know I will have to step it up. I know this is a forever battle. I don’t like it, but I know it. And honestly friends, I’m just a bit scared of where all this going… but don’t tell Myeloma I said that!
It was a beautiful day yesterday after my appointment.
I (try) to embrace life fully, everyday.
I will not let Myeloma limit me.
And so, I went for a little soak up life nature walk with my dear friend Kathy and our little doggies Hanna and Portia (who met many friends along the way)
I breathed in life, and stopped thinking about you Myeloma.