Learning and Trying To Accept This BiPolar Rollercoaster

5.19.19

Hello Middle of May! 
“One Day at a Time”,…. that’s my mantra now. When I get up. When I go to sleep… One Day at a Time is what I tell myself… I don’t know if I truly Felt it, Lived it, and actually Absorbed the Actuality of living one day at a time BEFORE…. But, oh boy, do I now!!!
Yes on SO MANY LEVELS, my life is now just getting through the day, one event, one challenge, one insane THING at a time. The actual act of living one day at time, dealing with and processing one event at a time, has really sunk in with me. Along with letting go of so many emotions…  I’m working so hard at simply accepting all the crazy challenges put in front of me, trying hard to compartmentalize my extreme emotions and daily life challenges. But then… I am still just “floating” by, in a crazy daze of   HOW THE !*%# did all this happen to me, us…
Can you guess what the GOOD news is?
Can you guess the BAD news?
I’ll be back… life insanity calls me away…
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Ok, I’m back… here’s the GOOD NEWS:

Just look at the incredible drop in IGA!! 
Whoa! Cut in half!
Down 750 points!
Thank you 40mg Dex Steroids, 2 Velcade shots, 400mg Cytoxan!

Look at where I was Nov 2018
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Wow! M Protein cut in more than half !
Whoohoo! Down from a high of 2.19 in Nov 2018
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And also way down!
Down from 2.9 in Sept 2018
And now for BAD NEWS
Pet Scan Results:
See those words… “significant progression”, “widespread… lesions”, “worsening”, “significantly larger”,,,,, (click on it, and it’s easier to read)
And those words “overall concerning for worsening of malignant disease” and “hepatic lobes…”  (click on it, and it’s easier to read)
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Blah, Blah, Blah Bone Damage. More of this, More of that, More here, More there. Do you understand those results? I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around all the terminology… Blah, Blah, Blah Swiss Cheese, Honey Comb bones… and I just realized “hepatic lobes” = Liver issues!! Thanks myeloma! Bone and Organ issues now…

My Dr has ordered another MRI and Xrays for me. Need to do those, haven’t yet. Too much “Ridiculousness” going on here on the homefront. Will try to schedule all that tomorrow…

Blah, Blah, Blah, Myeloma Bone Damage… how about some rods and pins and metal support surgery one day… Hmmm… always wanted to be one of those “Transformers”, Marvel comic characters :)) 
Maybe I’ll just eat more Ice Cream. That has Calcium in it, right!

Liver MRI… with contrast… hmmm… I’ve read about kidney issues for myeloma patients…  can I please just get a little break on the drama, Universe!

Honestly, it just doesn’t register with me unless I see it. Will have to ask to see a picture of my pictures. Then this reality of Myeloma munchin up my bones will hit me. Ooopppsss, don’t want anything to “hit” me, as I’m too fragile… hello Humpty Dumpty 
And the rest of my story is pretty much like my previous posts, so I won’t rehash that sad drama. I’m just trying to get by daily, holding my breath Jim and I both maintain MOBILITY! Ya know, Mobility is everything. Well not “Everything”. But for my lifestyle type, I can’t imagine navigating life with out Mobility. Of course, if I don’t have Organ health, or if Myeloma is completely eating me up, Mobility wouldn’t matter anyway. What I mean, is that with my current myeloma status, losing the ability to walk, due to extensive lesions, plasmacytomas, fractures, broken bones, etc … yikes, that would probably do me in…. ok, this is all just so surreal, I just don’t want to think about it anymore. 
Back to the land of Unicorns and Rainbows where all is fine. All’s good. LOL! I’m sooooo incredibly grateful for my body’s strength and ability to tolerate all the powerful myeloma treatments I’m on. I mean seriously!!! How can I be so “ok” on other levels. My WBC is low. My RBC is low. HGB is just over the line of Normal. Platelets are ok, low end of Normal. Most of my organ stats good, kidney function remarkably good. Must be all the watered down 100% Cranberry juice I drink.

But ooppsss, just spoke with the Radiology Dept for my MRI appointment… now I understand the MRI is specifically of the LIVER. Thanks myeloma… and I was just in unicorn la la land thinking Just My bones were being eaten up… more to come on this… guess I need to Google all those MRI terms better….

Hope all is well and happy in your life, and if you’re a Myeloma Warrior, I hope your treatments are going well and pummeling your myeloma. Isn’t it just nuts living life 24 7 with your body trying to kill you. When I feel twinges, and pains, and tweeks, I wonder what REALLY is going on inside me.
Ok, enough for now. I am grateful, yet sad. Appreciative, yet frustrated. Happy, but also mad. Trying to be light and carefree, but my heart and head is oh sooooooooooo heavy…
Thank you for checking in, reading and following my Craaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzy life story.