Jelly Beans and Other Thoughtful Thoughts and Realties

Just in case you’re tired of my silly musings…
Here’s some inspiring and thoughtful thoughts from others:

Our Lives Represented in 
Jelly Beans

And Thanksgiving diagnosis reflections
by another blogger diagnosed with the evil Myeloma:

Sean’s Burgundy Thread: Dear Multiple Myeloma-

 “Dear Multiple Myeloma”, Sean writes, “Do you remember me? 
I am the poor sap that you decided to terrorize during Thanksgiving week of 2008… ”
========================================================

 And so………….

Ugh! I’ve been sick more than well recently and I am not fond of not feeling well.
Everyone thinks I am so strong for handling cancer as I have, but honestly friends… I really am not that strong at all. I am strong when I feel well. I am not that strong when I don’t feel so well. Suffering for days with a fever leads me down philosophical roads of unsettling realities…

These last 2 high fever viruses that attacked me have awakened NEW realizations of OLD realities… that my immune system really is compromised due to an “immune system cancer”, and naive me, I really do have to continue to be ultra CAREFUL, make that PARANOID of all the germs out to attack me. Duh! Note to self!!

I’ve tried to trace the trail of my recent illnesses, and the only thing I come up with is that I slacked off on staying in my sterile bubble. I tried living life somewhat “normally” again…
I slacked off a bit and shook some hands, hugged some friends
I slacked off a bit and opened some doors without a protective tissue
I slacked off a bit and ate at buffets and restaurants and risked cross contamination galore
I slacked off a bit and threw caution to the wind and went places, had fun, commingled with people in public places.
I slacked off a bit and started scheduling appointments with random students.
I slacked off a bit by being “normal”, and paid for it… dearly… with piercing pounding headaches which lead to high fevers for days on end, which lead to crazy viruses in my upper and lower body… I will spare you the details.

I felt awful and I don’t do well when I feel awful.
Awful takes the helium out of my happy filled balloons.
Sorry, I really am not that brave and strong when I don’t feel good.  
I have learned my lesson:
Hello stupid antibacterial cautious bubble life…AGAIN
Hello to being forced to accept I am not a well person and facing up to the reality that I won’t ever be “cowgirl-well” again.
Hello to being sick of being sick, but having little choice in the matter.
I don’t like not having choices
I don’t like external factors controlling me
I don’t like being sick and I don’t do well not being well.
I have never been of the victim mentality and I don’t like being victimized and controlled by cancer!
But, I am better now and I do thank what minimal immune system I do still have, for battling on my behalf!

Every other day, my sweet hubby Jim would pick
some of his spectacular roses to boost my spirits
and help me feel better!

Ugh! I haven’t even begun my Dex steroid meds yet, but I will this Friday as I have an oncology check up on Nov 14 with my City of Hope oncologist, and then another on Nov 18 with my local oncologist (love them both!)
I think I should know by then, what treatment plan they have in mind for me…
Just in time for my November birthday,
Cheers! Happy November cancerous birthday to me!

So on a happier note, on Saturday when I could finally walk without being dizzy and dared being away from the bathroom, Scott said… “Mom, let’s go for a drive in your bug! That will make you feel better!” and feel better it did! Here’s to our first 5 mile road trip (to Coco’s and back lol!) in the “baby blue tin can bug”, with Scott driving and the rest of us praying we survive!

My bucket list baby blue bug makes me happy :)

And Birdie makes me so happy too! 

And of course!!! Everyone and Everything else in my life makes me happy!!!
I am blessed and I am grateful for so much
You can’t take that from me stupid cancer!!!