I truly did not think I’d hear those words today…

This week has been full of a battery of tests (again) in order for the qualifying process for a clinical trial.  He really needed this to happen.  Unfortunately, his health has taken a really bad turn.  His myeloma numbers have excelled tremendously over the past 4 days.  His kidney function continues to get worse.  His legs and feet are very swollen.  His spirit continues to be very loving and sweet and brave.
Today, I believe may just be the saddest day of my life.
Today, we received the bad news.  The team of doctors feel that chemo will do more harm at this stage than good.  He is not healthy enough to go through chemo therapy.  This news came from the very highest head at PMH.  She comes with 30 years experience in the USA and Canada with multiple myeloma.
We discussed palliative care moving forward and making him as comfortable as possible.
He currently has no pain.  PMH doesn’t have any beds available.  Toronto General Hospital was on bed alert.  That left us with Mount Sinai.  I don’t know how she did it, but the process is to check into emergency and wait to be admitted.  Like I said, I don’t know how she did it, but within 30 minutes we were in a private room in emergency.  This evening he will be transferred to a private room.
He is accepting visitors for now, but I ask that you text me before coming should things worsen and he changes his mind please.  We were tremendously supported on the Multiple Myeloma walk this past weekend.  We hang on to that love from each and every one of you.
Please respect the fact that his parents and my dad still don’t know, but we plan on telling them this weekend.
We find strength knowing that we are loved.  We have no regrets.  We have many friends and family supporting us either way.  Please respect our choice to ignore calls if we have to during this difficult time. Text messages work best.
We will keep you posted as best we can…….

I’d like to share something given to me personally at the end of the walk.  It came from a wonderful woman, lovely inside and out.  She gives me strength.  I find comfort just hearing her voice.  She was diagnosed with two cancers in one day.  She walked 5k this past weekend, on her own.

This plaque read:
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”
I have this on my fireplace at home and every day I read it.
Munira, may God bless you forever and ever and keep you safe.
With much love to everyone,
Mary