How does cat food work?

Garland the cat, who is over 16 years old, now eats a fancy, expensive, prescription food. I have to go to the vet’s office to buy the special food, and I’m pretty sure a one-month supply costs more than I paid to adopt the actual cat in 1997. But I keep buying it because Garland is a little old lady and she’s cute and fuzzy and she has the power to claw me in the eye in the middle of the night.

Today when I brought the food home, I noticed the bag features a detailed diagram explaining how the food works. Have you ever wondered how cat food works? Take a look:

Step One: Kitty eats the food, which contains vitamins.

Step Two: The food goes on a wild roller-coaster ride inside the kitty. Whee!! Fasten your seat belts, food! It’s going to be a bumpy night!

Step Three: Kitty poops the food directly into the litter-box scoop!

Wow! That’s why this food is so expensive! The cat will poop directly into the scoop! Think of all of the time this will save us! I need to show Garland this diagram, and then start following her everywhere with the scoop.