I have to warn you all that this is a rather sad post, so if you are feeling delicate please click off.
I have warned you.
Well if you insist.
Yesterday I arrived at the hospital to discover Mike had taken a real turn for the worse. His blood pressure was dangerously low and he has neutropenic sepsis. The consultant from ITU had been down and decided it was best if he was moved as they had more one to one care and drugs that would temporarily raise his blood pressure. Mike told me all this himself, along with the prognosis of what would happen if his heart stopped or his breathing became difficult, in both cases the consultant had said with so many things already not working, there would be no point in either ventilating or performing CPU. You won’t need me to tell you how I reacted. Later when Mike was in ITU the same consultant, a very nice man who obviously believes in not sugar coating things, something I actually appreciate more than “let’s wait and see”, repeated what he had said to Mike. The resulting effect was the same as first time.
Mike is pretty much the same this morning, it is a waiting game now to see if his stem cells start working and if they do whether they help him fight back from the unknown infection that threatens to kill him. Last night he asked me to make sure this is played at his funeral (tissues at the ready):
It is our song. Mike sang it to me over the phone while he was at the karaoke, after only a few weeks of knowing each other. I think that is when I fell head over heels in love with him. I cried then, I cry every time I hear it. It will now forever more make me cry.