Well, last year we had the freak snow storm, with the leaves still on the trees, which brought down a lot of them in NJ, including one that fell on our rental house. This year, we have hurricane Sandy bearing down on us. Tim just went and bought a generator yesterday. Losing electric for a few hours is no biggie. A few days, now that’s a nuisance, and you lose all your food, have no heat, etc. Folks are preparing around here.
Fair warning: boob talk coming up. I have an appt. early Tues morning at HUMC’s breast center. It’s been an aggravating week of phone calls trying to get this all set up. They requested my mammo and sonagram from 10/8 and decided they see something in the right breast they want to check out too. Been having trouble getting my gynecologist’s office to write up a script because they have 2 different places requesting different follow-up tests. So, unless they lose power and cancel my appt.,
or we have a “state of emergency” where the cops want people to stay off the roads unless it’s an emregency, I will be having extra mammo pics taken of my right breast, sonagram on both sides now, and needle biopsy, if needed. Lovely. 4 years ago, when I had a scare after a routine mammo, it ruined my holidays. It played out for 7 weeks, with me not getting the good news until just a few days before Christmas. I backed my mammo up this time, but will NEVER do it in Oct. again. Breast cancer awareness month means I’ve been bombarded with it, constantly, right down to my daughter wearing pink stuff while cheerleading and the football players too. Is there EVER a good time for a breast cancer scare though? I think not. I’ve stayed relatively calm, because I don’t think anything they’ve seen is super suspicious, but am definitely getting more nervous as the date gets closer and am not happy that they found anything, let alone, 2 things now, 1 of which the first place never mentioned. Enough of that.
I tried to make this blog a little more private but right away got facebook messages from friends that couldn’t get on. I had to ask Phil Brabbs to remove our “myeloma Monday” bio from his blog because even though I had him take our last name off it some time ago, the photo, or something, was still causing it to come up in a search of Tim’s name and that’s not good for business. I am not real great with computers. I tried a new setting on my blog which says it will keep it from coming up in search engines. I dunno. I REALLY don’t want to go private. My networking with other MM patients and caregivers has been a huge part of my coping system while dealing with all this the last 5 1/2 + years. I suppose I have shared some really personal things, but so have others, and it really is pretty cathartic for me.
Speaking of catharsis, it was just one year since Tim’s family blow-up. Sad to me. His parents have come to a few of the games that Olivia cheered at. We are civil. But, they missed a year of their son’s and granddaughter’s life. I think all the time, “was it worth it?” To get such nasty things off your chest, to kick people who were already down, to have to hurt someone else to make you feel better than them, out of sheer self-esteem issues? Was it worth it? I thought Tim would soften over time. He hasn’t. He, instead, realized how much stress his family caused in our lives and has seen the benefit of not having that stress anymore.He simply doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. Ya know, there comes a time, unfortunately, in some relationships, when you realize that the bad outweighs the good by quite a margin. People RARELY change. You have to decide whether it’s something you can cope with, or not, and just how much damage they’re causing you. In this case, it was quite a lot. I’ve said it before, and the therapist that I no longer see is convinced of it; these people took themselves out of our lives because they did not want to deal with Tim’s mm. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, and they didn’t realize that’s what they were doing, but it’s what they did. I don’t think they’re liking “sleeping in the bed” they made for themselves, but, they should have thought about the consequences before they said the things they said. Some bells just can’t be un-rung.
So, enough of that too. I’m hoping this week is not too damaging to our state and the people in it, and that my tests come out OK, and that I can get on with my life, once again. Back to the normal difficultness that it is. What can ya do? Gotta play the cards we’re dealt, as Tim always says.
OOPS, I didn’t even realize I had not updated on Tim’s MRI of his neck. Well, the GOOD news is it is not the MM. I was afraid of a lesion or plasmacytoma. The bad news is he has some real orthopedic issues there, which include spinal stenosis, and neck pain may be a part of his life now, in addition to chronic back pain. We have to go see an orthopedist, but are getting my stuff out of the way first. His profession really beat the heck out of his body. May have even caused this MM too. Last night we saw our friend’s brother at the football game. Tim did his wood floors a couple of summers ago. He is around 50 and retired from being a cop. I told Tim, he shoulda become a cop. I told him that 20-something years ago. It’s a good gig. Retire by 50 or so, great benefits. Not saying it’s without its faults, but overall, a pretty good gig in small suburban towns like the ones around here.