Getting down to the wire

In two days, Tim has his surgery. We met with the surgeon for one last test on Monday. I really like him. He is so calm and confident, just what you want in a surgeon, any doctor really. He makes sure we have all our questions answered and, as we left, he said, “don’t worry, I’m going to take good care of you.”  Tim seems pretty calm. I know he will be nervous on Friday, but, he’s talked to quite a few people who’ve had this done and he feels pretty confident. Sadly, he also feels pretty confident that this is thyroid cancer. It’s strange living in our world. MM is such a main focus and such a formidable opponent that things like this get pushed down the scale of impact/importance. If we were not already living in the cancer world for over 10 years, this thing with his thyroid might be awful to us. Now, granted, we are not thrilled here, but, everything gets measured against the MM ruler and most things fall short of topping that. Hopefully, this will be taken care of and we won’t have to deal with it again.

We have a very small support system in place. My youngest sister will be with us in the hospital and my older sister changed her flights home from a business trip and will be watching the younger one’s two kids at a nearby hotel and then they will switch off later with my one sis staying overnight at the hotel with her kiddos to avoid a miserable drive home on Friday night and my older one set to stay at our house with Liv if Tim needs to stay overnight instead of getting out the same day. I plan to stay with him overnight in that case. Liv is old enough to stay alone, but, I just didn’t want her to on a night when her dad and mom are in a hospital. She is going to work that day. I gave her a choice but she feels she’d rather be distracted at work instead of sitting in a hospital all nervous and I am glad she chose that. I will call her as soon as he’s out of surgery.

There were a few comments to my last post about Tim’s family. Similar to what is seen on the MM facebook sites, there is never a shortage of people who found out their friends and family would not be there for them when the chips were down. It’s so hard to deal with such huge disappointments in life. My past is full of them. And, sadly, they don’t seem to stop. It’s better now though, because I have been very choosy about who I let into my inner circle.

I recently read a story that really taught me something. I’ve always said, “actions speak louder than words” and if you really want to see who someone is, watch what they do, not what they say. It’s just so true. I’ve been bamboozled by some really talented liars and self-promoters. Their actions eventually told the real story. But here’s what this story said; pay close attention to what people DON’T say and do. Many times, therein lies the answer you’re looking for.

I can’t recall if this was written by an attorney or a policeman, but he had been taught by an investigator to listen to what’s not said. He told of a case he was involved in where a man was being tried for murdering a woman but her body had not been found. His defense attorney, in his closing argument, was trying to convince the jurors that they had to have reasonable doubt in their minds that this woman could still be alive and if they did, they could not possibly convict the man. He said to them that in 10 minutes, she was going to walk through that door. When the jurors watched the door, he said he proved his point. If they were so sure she was dead, they would not have thought there was a chance she would come through the door. It was a pretty convincing ploy. When the jury came back after deciding the fate of this man, the verdict was guilty. It turns out, there was one juror who didn’t watch the door, he watched the defendant, who never once even glanced at the door, but stared at his hands on the desk in front of him, or something to that effect. That juror realized that that man knew she was dead and not coming through that door.

So, in addition to watching people’s actions, I am also going to take note of their inactions more than I used to. This story made me realize that there were times I did not pay enough attention to the things people didn’t say. Even when their lack of saying things sent up a red flag with me, I did not give it the importance I should have. I suppose silence actually can speak volumes.

Will be back here with an update after Tim’s surgery. Wish us luck!!!