Fading Sunrise

The beautiful sunrise of a hopeful new year is already on the wane.   Glorious colors and glimmering light have begun to fade to gray and it is only January 16.  After nearly two years of remission, myeloma is edging back into my reality as my lambda light chain continues to rise.  I am relapsing.

That is the bad news. The better news is my bone marrow biopsy and CT scan of a few weeks ago were fine and the myeloma activity is minimal at this point.  My oncologist and three of his colleagues recommend watchful waiting for now. He knows that I am feeling well and that is an important consideration in the decision to start treatment. My doctor did say he was prepared to start me on a low dose of Revlimid if I was upset and wanted treatment, but his preference was to wait a bit.  I trust my doctor’s judgment and I am in complete agreement. Since I see my doctor every month, I will be closely monitored.
Even though I know relapse is inevitable it is, obviously, difficult to think of it actually happening.  In my imagination I had put it somewhere far off into the future. Relapsing was a vague vision and if I didn’t think about it too much, it seemed like it just might go away.  
When the time comes to begin treatment, it is encouraging to know that there are options that could lead to a postive outcome and it is comforting to know that this myeloma can be “slapped down” again!  
After my initial disappointment and sadness, I think I have regained my positive attitude for the most part. I can still appreciate the small moments that fill the soul. Yesterday, it was a frosty, cold, clear day as I was driving along a highway where right next to the lane, on the guardrail, was a large and splendid hawk.  I often see hawks along that stretch of road but never so close to the traffic.  As I passed by, he gracefully took flight and he was magnificent. 
Closer to home, I had another moment to savor. Here is my blogging assistant who had just awakened from a nice warm nap on my laptop:
 Naughty Aislinn