The past week has been very difficult. It started with a trip to the hospital with Mr. B last Sunday night and ended with him still in the hospital because there was infection in his blood. They feel that the pneumonia that hospitalized him a few weeks ago never really cleared up.

I’ve found it very hard to function emotionally through all of this. I come home from the hospital and almost always start crying as soon as I walk through the door. Then I have to make a few phone calls and I cry more. I find myself performing very much like a robot, acting on auto pilot for many day to day tasks. My mind isn’t focused at all and I find myself doing silly things because my mind is a million miles away.

And what is it that consumes my thoughts? Of course, Mr. B is the source of it all. I worry about him constantly. I worry about him even while he’s in the hospital. There have been many times in the past week where I had to be his advocate because they seem to forget how much pain he is in due to the condition of his bones. While he was being moved to the stretcher by the paramedics, two of his ribs were fractured at the front of his chest. It took the hospital until Friday to confirm that they were the cause of his chest pain. And the doctor assigned to him does not believe that this type of fracture could be caused just by moving him from the couch to the stretcher.

Then came the reaction to the pain medication that they started him on. He was in bad shape with mood changes, agitation,