I’m happy that this difficult month is over. Since I found out that my cancer is back, I’ve been consumed with the thoughts about when the drugs necessary to keep me alive will once again become my reality. My memories are still fresh from my nine months of chemo in 2013. I can’t imagine a worse period in my life. And that’s why I’m petrified about having to do it all again, because I’m really not ready and the reality is I don’t know if I ever will be.
I remember when I found out in March that I’d been in complete remission, meaning no cancer was found in my blood stream, since Nov 2013, I was elated. I figured I had a 5 year window to focus on personal multiple myeloma projects such as Cancer Sabbatical that could inspire and educate others. Instead, my myeloma reappeared after only 8 months. Not what I expected at all.
This summer my laptop broke, so I’ve been without a computer since then. My cell phone is also broken, meaning that communication only occurs online when I can access a public computer. I’m realizing that I can’t get freaked out by things. Being stressed raises my cancer levels, which I don’t need. So I’m just going to stay calm and focus on making the best of my situation. Having a terminal disease makes every day a challenge especially during chemo, as I am my own caregiver. I need to focus on happiness.
I need to stay positive.
To recap: I have Multiple Myeloma, a rare blood cancer. It is incurable, but treatable. From February to November 2013, I received Velcade chemo through weekly in-hospital injections as an outpatient.
I also love photography and use it for personal health and healing. Without my laptop, I rarely am taking photos now. You can view my pictures on Pinterest.