I am going to spend my day waiting to get poorly. If that doesn’t happen today, I am going to spend all day tomorrow waiting to get poorly. I have been told what symptoms to look out for over and over again; the squits, vomit, mouth pain and fatigue. Done. Squits, vomit, mouth pain and fatigue. The emphasis on this story is the squits. I am expecting, and have been expecting lava.

So imagine my surprise this morning when I realised that I am clogged up. That’s right, the increase in medication has made me constipated. I was not expecting this.

Fortunately, Mr Constipation and I have met before… He’s not going to know what’s hit him next week, neither, I suppose, will my anus.