Yesterday was my visit with my cardiologist’s PA. Luckily, or unluckily, she decided my case was too sensitive not to call in the “big guns” so after consulting with him in another room for about 20 minutes, in he walked with her. I gotta tell ya, it gives a person pause when a long-time cardiologist is so nervous about putting you on blood pressure meds that he takes a half hour to go back and forth in his mind about it and shows such a lack of confidence in his decision, even though my blood pressure is way too high. Knowing how panicky I am about meds(I’ve had many adverse reactions in the past), he said, “are you gonna take this if I prescribe it?” I said, “I really don’t have a choice, I’ve got a 13 year-old kid and a husband with cancer, I can’t keep walking around with BP this high.” I am very nervous about taking it and am trying to find a day when Tim will be around and I won’t be home all day by myself to start it and those days are hard to find with his work schedule. The doc is starting me on the lowest dose. He doesn’t even think it’s gonna do much for my BP but he wants to build me up slowly. Oy, I just feel like nothing is easy for me. I hope I can tolerate it. I have to do something. I sure wish I’d had the will power to diet and exercise but he has told me it wouldn’t matter. Not sure I totally agree with that, but the truth is, I have not done it, so I have nobody to blame for not knowing if it would help, but me. My whole family has high blood pressure and they’ve all been on meds since their 30’s. I’ve put it off too long. Hopefully, all this worry will have been for nothing and I can get on it, do well, and that will be that. I don’t even think I want to read the warnings. That’s not my normal M.O. but why scare myself more. I have to get on something and he thinks this is my safest bet. I was a little annoyed when I found out that the hospital had not forwarded the EKG tapes from the ambulance. The EMT specifically printed and marked a bunch of them, saying that they would be very helpful for my doctor, and my doctor agreed, saying he wished he had the tapes. I have to call today and see if I can track them down and I am hoping they were not thrown away or lost. Well, off to my list of things to do. Too many chores, not enough time or energy OR desire to do them. Story of my life.