Tomorrow morning, I check in for a cardiac ablation. I’m amazed at how differently I handle stress these days. In years past, I would not be able to concentrate and I’d be a nervous wreck leading up to something. Now, I put off the worry until that day, and I guess I have too much to do to sit around obsessing. I am hoping that the process is not too bad. One doc said they’d put me out, the one doing it tomorrow said I’d be awake for most/all of it. I think I like the PUT ME OUT version better but, he’s the boss. I’m looking forward to having this in my rearview mirror. I am really hoping that it works and takes care of this problem, once and for all. This black out and fainting stuff ruined my life for MANY years, and though you can’t “cry over spilt milk” or change anything, the more I hear how common this is, the more aggravated I get that it was not diagnosed so long ago, when I first sought answers. I just spoke to my neighbor, who is giving Liv a lift to school in the morning and her son has had similar problems and is starting to have some of the same tests I had years ago. I told her, “I’d get him to an electrophysiologist.” Wish someone had told me that all those years ago. So, wish me luck!
Yesterday, my pastor, knowing I’ve always wanted to hear his daughter sing “Amazing Grace” (she has a beautiful voice) had her sing it to me yesterday, during church service. He sang with her and they both played guitars. This was unexpected and I cried through the rest of the service. Such a nice thing to do for me. He said a prayer with me, as I received communion, and I was so touched by all this, I bawled all the way home. I am blessed.
On a not happy note at all, I have not posted about Paula. Words fail me when I try to explain Paula, but most of you already know her and understand that. I cried like a baby when I read that she’d died. Another bright light extinguished by this damn myeloma. 42. I mean really! 42 years old. I will never be able to wrap my brain around things like this. She was so brave, so darn funny, right up to her last post. She had e-mailed me privately a few weeks ago, asking what I might know about the condition she’d gotten from the MM (she’d seen me comment about it on another blog some time ago) and she apologized for “laying this on me” and was more worried about her beloved Bernard than herself. Really, I just can’t seem to find the words to describe how awesome she was and I saw that through a computer screen. I’m sure she was absolutely mind-boggling in person. I so wish this woman was able to stay here. What a huge loss this is, to so many people. We all got ripped off, but of course, she did most of all. My heart goes out to Bernard (and Buddy too.) I wish them God’s peace and grace as they move forward from this hard, hard time.
I miss you Paula, and I will NEVER forget you! xx