Bloody knackered

Got it wrong about today not impacting me!

Managed the day at the christening pretty well I think…..didn’t really want anyone to think I was doing anything other than coping!! But got into the car and was shattered and asleep within 20 minutes! And then came home and was asleep for another 2 hours! Just trying to sit with Nick for an hour or so that he doesn’t feel totally neglected!

I’m feeling quite frustrated about how the treatment is affecting me even though I know it is still early days here. I have put on nearly a stone since I started on the Revlimid back in November, and only in the last week or so have I felt like I’ve been making a start on changing this. I’ve walked 3 times this last week and while I find it a little tiring, it has really invigorated me doing it. But the problem is that by doing that, I have no energy for anything else. How can I do things like that, if it means I struggle to pick up the kids, make their tea and generally get on with normal life.

I feel a bit pulled from pillar to post with it all. I want to be totally selfish and if it was only Nick and I, I probably would be. But it isn’t and that is tough. I know there is lots to do like photo albums and scrapbooks that don’t have to take a lot of energy…but part of this is about me getting me feeling happy about myself and at the moment I dislike the way I have allowed myself to fall to pot! Stupid I know, and this isn’t a bid for comments telling me it doesn’t matter – it does to me!

I know I’ll get there, and I’m hoping I’ll get more used to how this treatment is going to affect me as time goes on. And hopefully with that will come the balance I so desperately want to get to!

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts!!