Black selfish shellfish…

…that get stuck in the car door! Yes I am losing the plot and I definitely blame the drugs! Perhaps, I am enjoying my mate Oramorph a tad more than I should, my pain nurse however said I can use him hourly if I need to. It seems to help me, giving this opioid based drug a sex and knowing he is there for me whenever I need him, is of great comfort. Yesterday I needed him a little less although he did make me feel pretty sleepy and that’s were the selfish shellfish comes in. I seem to be hallucinating in the moments between being awake and asleep. Yesterday I got my self in a bit of a tiss, worrying about this bloody selfish shellfish and how on earth I was going to get him in and out of the car with his wriggly spidery legs, honestly these shellfish can be very selfish at times! Colin finds the whole thing very amusing and has even taped some of my musings, which at this moment I am not willing to share. However if you do ever come across a selfish shellfish I am your girl so call me and I will come and sort him out. Now you can see what a kind of helpful psychiatric nurse I once used to be.

Yesterday I went to see the doctor at the hospice. This was a new one I hadn’t seen before and Colin came along with me for moral support, and just in case they tried to get me to stay there, longer than I think they should. Sally the lovely nursing sister also joined us, so it was two against two, hoping that is Colin remained on my side! Hospice doctors are different from the norm, in my experience so far anyway. It’s not like going to your GP were you nip in and nip out pretty quickly. I would more liken this, to a visit to a person centred counsellor. I told my story and the doctor, nurse, Colin and I then mused over some options. I then shed a few tears followed up with an explanation as to why this may have happened. This was then further followed up by me sharing my experiences of first hearing about my diagnosis, then after looking sympathetically at one another and about 40 minutes later we left. The outcome was that I could increase my dose of Oramorph and my patch if need be. If the pain became much worse I could be admitted to the hospice for some Special K. This is not a nice slimming bowl of cereal, although maybe the doctor picked up on the fact that this is what was required if I was going to fit into my nice floaty party dress. No this is, in fact Ketamine, a powerful drug that they need to administer over a 24 hour period hence the need to be admitted. The thought of spending the night at the hospice was a good enough drug for me so with that thought in mind and with my old old mate Oramorph by my side I happily returned home for another kip.

Today I shall take a trip out to the garden centre with my mother, just like old retired folk are presupposed to do. This will be followed up with a date with my old mate again and then after a quick lunch, a drug induced afternoon snooze. WOW, my life is so exciting at the moment, I expect our best mates who are currently parked up somewhere near Disneyland in France, will be green with envy when they read this.

I hope you all have an equally exciting day.

Watch out for any roaming selfish shellfish!

Deborah x