Beggars Holiday

Fifty two billion bucks. That’s how much money Americans spent on Black Friday as they fought their ways to great deals. Hardly broke, many of the shopping revellers brought weapons, ranging through knives, guns, pepper spray and tasers. People were making sure they could make it to the cash register and check out with their purchase booty while avoiding waylayment by other competitors in the game. I had to admit that I felt a bit left out; we gimps don’t get to participate in shopping melee events, we tend to just get wheeled by a bucket brigade of stranger to the doors and shoved across the parking lot. This is a real bummer in terms of keeping ones place in line.

But I was able to participate in Cyber Monday, the advertising’s communities other newest and totally commercial national day.  With so many stores closed on “so called recognized holidays,’ these were unimportant to the corporate sales world on the basis of the stores being closed. So it’s Black and Cyber days to the rescue, so that avarice and greed might have their own days of celebration. Fifty two billion dollars. Wow. And to think I made it a point to shop for my gift recipients in the grocery store toy aisles. If everyone was like me, the corporate magnates would be celebrating a banner year with profits in excess of $1.49.  This says to me that 99% of our country just might have Downes Syndrome. Perhaps baby boom and gen-X parents did too much aspirin fighting off the alcohol and drug hangovers from all of the sex, drugs and rock n’ roll of the 60s. If people want a portion of the incomes of the super  keeping the money themselves would be more serving of the equality agenda. After all, if we dont give our dollars to the corporations, it’s hard for them to have a taxable income, leaving the cash in the hands of the people.

It certainly explains the lack of restroom facilities of the various Occupy movements. Instead of saving their money to voluntarily hand it to the cashiers of giant companies and improving the corporate lot, they should have used the money to rent Port-a-Potties.  But no, at least 99% of this nation cursed the powers that be and literally shoved their hard earned savings into the waiting hands of the enemy. Americans are sooo cute. gotta love their out of the box thinking.

If we took that same fifty two billion and divvied it up, it would fund an outright gift of $50,000 to each adult American; a sum that would go a long way to stabilizing the economy. What a pretty cool Christmas gift that would be, eh? But do we do that? No, we are like the rich who don’t want to share their wealth with others. Anyway, some Libertarian gave me the idea for this. No, it wasn’t Ron Paul. Doctor Ron makes incredible sense with two-thirds of what he has to say, it’s the remaining third that is so spooky, and appears central to Dr. Paul’s distaste for the poor, which in his case means anyone with less than $10 million in available checking balance, or fails to buy health insurance. Anyway, this Libertarian guy tells me about the numbers of American adults and does this quick arithmetic problem on a piece of paper he showed to me. It was straight division, but involved carrying and that confused me so I just took his word for it.  But I’m sure his heart was in the right place, because his point was that I could get $50,000 under his plan. I became an avid supporter.

With the announcement of the total take from Black Friday, I realized that my $50k wasn’t going to come this year, and so the hell with the Libertarians. I mean, what have they ever done for me? Just make us believe in more mythical characters like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and honest politicians. Hah! $50 thousand dollar economic stimulus my foot.

But the nagging question does return: how on earth did a population so obviously broke that it’s a nightly news item manage to afford to spend $52 billion dollars?  As i was thinking, my wife returned from errands and dropped a giant load of bags at my feet. “Gak!” I said most eloquently. The booty in those bags had to be worth some serious bucks.

“I got all of the Christmas gift buying done!” she bragged, her had making a sweeping motion indicating the huge pile of purchases.  Here too was the very same question I had been pondering about my fellow peasants, all 99% of us. How on earth did my wife manage to buy all of this stuff? There had to be six months worth of income resting in a pile before me.

“We’re broke!” I whined. “How on earth did you come up with the money for this stuff?”

“Oh, Honey.” she sad with lament, “I didn’t use money, I used our credit cards.”

The sunrise of an idea crept above my mental horizon.