So, Friday was it, Tim’s first treatment since May 9th of 2008. Tim’s Pet CT showed that there were a few tiny areas where the MM was beginning to be active in his bones, so, it was the right choice not to delay treatment any further. Actually, his main doctor thought he should have started a few months ago, but the other one convinced her to hold off. Women are always right……..just sayin’. ;o) He got a Velcade shot in his tummy and 40 mg of Dex. It only took 22 hours from then to have our first dex-fueled argument. Joy, happy joy. AND, it was over me passing on a suggestion that someone else gave me about what she drinks that helps her with her treatments. I barely had the words out of my mouth and he snapped, “don’t buy it. I”m not gonna like it.” He can be rude sometimes with cutting me off, thinking he knows what I’m about to say and shooting down what he thinks that was. It gets old, quick. SO, this saying he doesn’t even want to try something and biting my head off about it started an argument and I warned him that, Dex or no Dex, I’m not gonna put up with being treated like crap. Here I am trying to prepare for this new life on treatment and going out buying vitamins and massage lotions to try to make sure he doesn’t get neuropathy, and he snaps at me like that. I see that maybe he is struggling with the loss of control over his life, and he reminded me that IT’S HIS LIFE, but, if he wakes up screaming with pain from neuropathy, it’s not like me or Liv, if she happens to be home at the time, are going to be unscathed by that. His life directly affects mine and hers. If he gets bad neuropathy, there will be no working in his field again. His is NOT a desk job. Our kid will most likely have to leave the college she now loves. We might even lose our home and have to move into our 2-family.
SIGH So, how do you back off and do nothing when you know there might be a heavy price to pay for that? Darned if I know. But, I guess I will have to choose my battles here. Do something but try not overwhelm him with feeling like he is a patient and I am a caregiver again.
As always, I have to try, try, and try some more to live one day at a time. It’s too overwhelming to try to figure out too much at once. I am just praying that 1. this treatment works WELL and 2. he doesn’t get neuropathy or other side effects that force him to lower doses or change meds.
For now, I will get to today’s list and try not to worry about tomorrow’s list and worries.