Well tomorrow is my birthday and I am feeling really positive this year which is fantastic and a really great change. The last 3 years have been a bit of a blip….(haha, that’s an understatement!)…and I hope that I have now come out the otherside. in 2010 I was 6 months post diagnosis, and life was pretty much over. In 2011, I was working towards my Stem Cell Transplant, undergoing chemo and generally feeling crap. And last year, I was still recuperating, 6 months post transplant.
But this year, as I hit 38, I am feeling good. Both physically where I would say that I am pretty much 100% now, and mentally. And that makes me so proud of myself! Because no matter how easy it looks to people outside of my life, living with myeloma has most definitely been tough. And I am sure that it will continue to be so at times – it is hard to always remain positive and to look forward without the worries of what may come, but I am now as close to that as I have ever been, and quite possibly as I ever will be.
I was sat talking to my sister and niece the other day, after my monthly check up, and it dawned on me that I actually believe myself now when I say that I feel like I could have many years in remission….and where before I would well up when people talked about their kids being teenagers, I now honestly believe I will be here to see mine argue, scream and cry on me!! And that feels so good. But I don’t really know what got me to that stage apart from time, and the most fantastic people around me who have let me be, and have allowed me the space to get there on my own.
So after a week of snow, sledging with the kids, painting the house, and now my move to job hunting, I can honestly say that my head is in a pretty good place. I do still need to get work…I need a focus in my life while the kids are at school…..but that is more about the sort of person that I am in general rather than the myeloma.
So as a myeloma buddy of mine would say…’onwards and upwards’. I think perhaps I might start planning my 40th now, and saving towards something big for my 50th!