A different perspective.

Our view

Our view

Last night we decided to sleep in the motorhome, after all our best friends are sleeping in their’s, albeit their’s is in France and our’s is parked up in the drive way. But just look at the views!

Yesterday I slightly over did things, but I do so much want to be back part of the ‘norm’. I only wandered around the garden wholesaler’s for a couple of hours and I was floored. After lunch I managed to climb up into my bunk, squirrelling away the chocolate’s mum had bought earlier, and feeling like a naughty school girl skiving off school, I soon fell asleep.

Late afternoon I had a visit from a very valued member of the Step2 team. It was lovely of her to drop by and I had a little cry on her shoulder as I thought about the possibility of never returning to work. Work was a big part of my life, it provided many of the LAMBSS (those of you who are frowning with confusion need to read back to nearly the beginning of the blog), I required, filling up much of the boxes of love, autonomy, meaning and purpose, status and security. Those of you who know me well, will appreciate how difficult the sudden loss of these must be. I have to re-define myself, who am I now? I certainly don’t want to be defined by my illness. I need to see this time of change as an amazing opportunity. There is much of the world to explore, time to write and create and more time to spend with my family and friends. The frustrating bit is that while this bloody neuropathic pain is literally biting at my ankles it is difficult to move on. Still I need to give myself time and meanwhile I rejoice in still having you all there by my side. It’s surprising how even the seemingly small things can make such a difference. A card from a colleague reminding me that she is still thinking of me, an email from a practical stranger wishing me well, support from the groups of people on the net who are experiencing a similar journey with cancer, the very kind lady raising money for more cancer research by running The Race for Life. People in my local community and others as far away as Canada, Australia and America making comments on my blog, donating raffle prizes or just simply reminding me that they are there. I know I often say this but I really don’t think I would be managing this journey nearly as well without you. So I don’t feel ashamed in Thanking you again.

Today I must quickly get up and on with things. Whilst Colin has been busy building walls and re-designing upstairs, to create a guest come creative space room, the housework has been somewhat neglected. I must therefore pull myself together and use this mornings energy reserves to run around with the hoover and duster. I wouldn’t normally bother so much but we have some lovely new friends visiting this afternoon to help us, or rather mummy, with the garden. These new found friends I am sure wouldn’t judge us by the state of our home but one does like to make a first visit impression. This is especially important as they live in the most amazing country home with 20 acres of manicured land and a house to die for. Well not literally of course but you get my drift, once or twice a year they open their lovely gardens to the public to raise money for various charities. It is extremely nice of them to want to help us and I hope they will be coming along to the party.

Talking of the party we have a committee meeting arranged for this Friday (I think) just to check how things are going and if there is anything we have forgotten. We have about 130 guests coming along so far, and we really do want them all to enjoy themselves whilst raising as much money as we can for cancer research, so the planning is very important. I am really looking forward to it but if I keep eating cake and chocolate at the rate I am doing I shall be wearing one of the marquee’s never mind putting it up!

Well this is no good I had better get on, although I could chat away on here for hours.

Have a good day wherever you are in the world.

Deborah x