A Daughter’s Perspective 2009-12-06 18:07:00

My father was diagnosed with MM last April after a case of penumonia and endocarditis. Hes gone through several treatments: Rev/Dex (which worked wonders for him but only lasted 8 months), Vel/Dex (helped a bit but only lasted 3 months), D-PACE (preparation for the SCT) and a aSCT this Sept. I will include details later, as I am studying for finals right now. However I can’t seem to concentrate and this is why…

A month after the SCT (10/27) to be exact, the doctor ordered tests to check his myeloma status. A week later, my parents go the new that he is in CR (only a very faint band was detected on his SPEP). Last week, I accompanied my father to his first appointment with his transplant dr who is now his regular hem/onc. He delivered GREAT news, he confirmed that my father was in CR. YAY! ALL SMILES! Not… A week later (which was this past Thursday), I received his labs via email from his nurse (labs drawn the previous week, the day of the dr’s appointment). I was crushed, I was stunned, I was speechless, I was devastated. It said his Paraprotein is 0.6 g/dl. I panicked. I scanned over the labs for another 700 times. I emailed his nurse to make sure paraprotein was his m-spike (except I knew that it was). I wanted to cry. WHY!??! HOW?!??! he was just in CR a month ago!!! I emailed his dr but his dr was away at the ASH conference and won’t be back till this week, but he did respond to me. He reviewed his labs and the one from 10/27 and said “he may be relapsing, but I can’t do anything until I return.”

This whole weekend, which I should have been studying, I cried and scared. How can this be? All that hard working and suffering, and this is all? I am counting the days until his next appointment, this Friday, but i feel like it’s a decade away, not to mention the hell week. The hardest part is yet to be confronted… you see… I haven’t told my parents about it yet. I want to see what they have to say on Friday before breaking the news. My dad is still recovering (it’s only post-almost 3 months transplant), and is doing quiet well, but now this… I am scared.. I pray that he will continue to fight this ugly thing, I pray that he will not give up.

I know this is an abrupt post, but I needed to let out my thoughts and feelings. I feel trapped, I feel like no one understands, I feel helpless, but most of all I am scared and lost. I have always been the strong one in my family but I feel like I am so weak right now. And did i forget to mention. I just turned 21 last nov.? This is way too grown up for me, I should be out partying, but I am far from that. I have been beside my father since his diagnosis, accompanied him to all his appointments, researched extensively on EVERYTHING, and supported him through all his ups and downs. You see, the hardest part of this is, he does not speech English, I am his bridge between him and his doctors, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My dad is a great man and the most unselfish person in the world… please let all this negativity stop…please let the sun shine.