Don’t regret growing old. It is a privilege denied to many. It is hard to see those wrinkles and tough to watch your hair grey but you’re lucky when you get a chance to. The Bridge
It struck me this summer that there are two big things I don’t have to worry about anymore. Before I became ill, I worried about getting old. I didn’t spend a lot of time dwelling on it; I just noticed there were more wrinkles, a few grey hairs and my body wasn’t as agile and energetic as it once was. Being in my early sixties it was obvious that I had probably lived over two thirds of my life given my genetic history. I didn’t fret about it much but I did think about it. Now that I have been diagnosed with incurable cancer, I hope and pray that I continue to get old! Living to be 70 or 80 sounds positively wonderful – wrinkles and all! Everything is relative.
The second thing I don’t fear anymore is being diagnosed with cancer. When this thought came to me, I did have to chuckle at the absurdity of it. Thinking about someday having cancer wasn’t something I ever spent a lot of time on but, like everyone else, I always hoped it wouldn’t be part of my life. Well, now it is and I don’t have to worry about being blindsided by it. If I relapse, which I probably will somedayof course, I will be tremendously upset. However, it will never be like hearing for the first time, “You have multiple myeloma and it is incurable.” Isn’t it interesting how one’s perspective can change in light of a cancer diagnosis?
On Wednesday, I saw my oncologist for the first time in two months. It was good to see him since he has become such an important part of my life and I so enjoy his sense of humor. Having an oncologist who can make me laugh is a blessing in my book. The results of my blood work were mixed. The best news was my kappa and lambda light chains and ratio are still in the normal range. The not so good news was my WBC took a bit of a nosedive from 4300 to 3100. That was really disappointing to me because I have been feeling so well and have started getting “back into my life” as I stated in the last post. I couldn’t help but worry even though I know my WBC has dropped before. I have been feeling somewhat gloomy the last few days because of this and I am working to overcome that.
Last Monday, my husband and daughter and I rode on the Great Seattle Wheel which is located on the waterfront. It was a stunningly beautiful day and Seattle never looked more scenic. It was another small moment to savor.