53

Today, February 3rd, is Tim’s birthday. He is 53. He was diagnosed with myeloma just over a month after his 43rd birthday. To say I am grateful that he is here 10 years later, that he has been off chemo since our daughter’s 10th birthday, over 8 and 1/2 years ago, and that he got to see her grow to be an adult, well, that would be an understatement. I am beyond grateful. So many answered prayers and memories made in these 10 years.

BUT, I am also still angry and bereft that this happened to him and us in the first place. We may have been able to step back from the front line of battle these last 8+ years but I have never felt that we were out of the fox hole. We lived our lives in 1 to 3 month installments, sweating out lab results and every ache and illness. He has been hospitalized several times. And, we knew the other shoe would drop eventually. Life is still hard. VERY hard.

Today, after he gets home from work, we will drive down to see our kid at college and take in a basketball game she has to work this evening. Tomorrow he has a PET CT scan. No escaping reality for very long for us. Next Friday, he is planned to re-start chemo. It’s hard to be cheery about what this year holds for us. I have to try, as I always struggle to do, to live in the moment and take it a day at a time.

Trying to move forward with my word of the year…….HOPE.

Happy birthday, Tim! You are my everything!