Waiting for Results… Full Denial 10 years ago..

12.19.19

10 years ago yesterday, 12.18.09, I had my first Bone Marrow Biopsy.

The physical pain was excruciating, but it was the psychological effect that was even deeper. I was suddenly participating in a medical world that I couldn’t relate to, or wrap my head around. Being sick, seriously sick that is, was just not part of “my plan” or “who I was”. 

I was on a ride I couldn’t believe I was on. I was thrown onto a roller coaster I couldn’t comprehend, nor accept. I heard new medical words and terms that I had never heard before. I followed my Dr’s lab test assignments as if I was doing it for someone else. Everything became an out of body experience. I was robotic about so much. My life at that time was a combination of normalcy, disbelief, not feeling well, denial, yet still a sense of nothing had really changed. I began to read things online, but “cancer” truly didn’t enter my thoughts, and no one had yet said that word…
Yet…
My next “Hematology” (still “Hema-whhaattt?”), appointment was scheduled for Dec 30, 2009. The day that changed my life forever… that changed everything about me forever. But I didn’t know it at this time, 10 years ago…
Holidays, fun, friends and family was the plan in the meantime. My Dr had put me on Iron pills for my extreme Anemia, and some other meds too, I can’t recall now, and ordered more Labs for after Christmas. And more Labs. Every time my Labs came back, she ordered more. I wasn’t able to see the Abnormal ones online….

Life moved forward fairly normally. I went about all the things we did around holidays. Busy busy, party party. Yes, I still had all my symptoms, but I never ever thought about me having a serious diagnosis…

10 years ago I was “dying” from cancer that was eating me up alive, and I had no clue…
What my Bone Marrow Biopsy revealed on 12.30.2009 was shocking!!!
I’m still in shock…

Back in the day when we were healthy… 
this was maybe 2003!