I would apologise for my language but genuinely I now understand what I didn’t last time I had treatment. People used to talk about the Dex effect and it turning people into a Jekyll and Hyde character – I never suffered and never really got it. A funny tasting mouth but that was it.
Oh my god is it different this time. I’m only on day 3 and I’ve already experienced every level of emotion possible, including the most massive anger and frustration. Now, admitting this, does not mean that the reasons for my anger are unfounded, but perhaps the way I’m expressing them and the depth to which I feel them are.
I’d like to scream at certain people. I’m not particularly nice to the kids even when they’re not behaving any differently to normal. Nick has just about got away with everything but I don’t know how long that will last…I think he might just hide away if he’s got any sense!!
I know we’ve got more going on than a lot of people at the moment but life has suddenly seemed to swamp me and other peoples selfishness really grates. Not only am I dealing with starting chemo and all that entails, my dad is about to head into the need for a lot more care after his fall and operation and I don’t know how I can help properly when he lives 90 minutes away. Our builders are progressing but they’re now likely to be in for at least half a week longer than we’d wanted. And that’s before we can try and find a decorator who we can trust to help. My work continues (as I want it to to be able to stay sane and need the money). The kids are on summer holidays while all of this goes on and are already struggling with the fact that things are different and more is needed from them. My back still hurts and to too it all I also have pain from sleeping badly. Thank god the sickness and diarrhoea that the dog had yesterday seems to have subsided.
I’ll leave it at that. Bah humbug that I am. But I needed to vent. Anyone have any idea how long this Dex effect lasts after you’ve taken the tablets? I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better and more positive day.