Waiting

Argh sat here on my sofa just waiting for my results. Good for nothing at all. I don’t even know if I’ll get them today as I even forgot my hospital appointment last week.

I mean….since when do you forget to go to an appointment that you can’t get out of your head!!! It was all I’d been thinking about for the week before and yet I forgot to go! Even when my consultant emailed me at the lunchtime about something else, did it make me go….ahhh, must remember my appointment….nope! I had genuinely got so stressed I thought it was a different day.

It’s not even like I’m waiting for something new. It’s still my paraprotein results I’m after. I’m still down to start treatment mid July.

Stupid really. On lots of levels.

That said, I am slightly more anxious at the moment as I have a bad back. I jarred it playing netball but 5 weeks later it’s still bad. It might be my own fault – I haven’t stopped playing netball as it keeps me sane….but each time I play it gets worse. But I don’t want to let the team down – we’re winning our league at the moment and are unbeaten. And I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep playing for.

I’m hoping it’s just an injury. But with myeloma, we all worry it might be bone injury. My consultant doesn’t seem that worried at the moment. My bloods might impact that. If they’re good he probably will remain unworried.

I just want them to come through!! I did get a letter about my next appointment – strangely for 8 weeks rather than the usual 4. Perhaps that’s a sign all is well? Or just a mistake!

Still no email as I finish this and he’ll be starting clinic shortly. Perhaps I’ll do some DIY to take my mind off things.