12 YEARS

What to say that hasn’t already been said on this blog? It’s odd to say we feel lucky. My husband being diagnosed with an “incurable” cancer at 43 hardly comes off as feeling like a blessing. But, everything is relative. I have been immersed in the world of MM and cancer all these years and, sadly, I know many who did not get 12 years, or did not get to see their child(ren) into adulthood. I have friends who are struggling greatly right now. Tim has been luckier than most in this predicament, there is no doubt about that. After 8 years, 9 months, and one day, (but who’s counting), of no treatment, he went back on Velcade and Dex in Feb of 2017. After about 10 months, he was really struggling trying to run his business, what with all the chemo brain and dex effects. He asked for a little drug holiday over the holiday season, and, one month turned into two, then three, etc. He has now been off treatment for 15 months. He’s going for check-ups every 2 months and this last time, his M-spike and other numbers actually all ticked DOWN a bit, instead of up. M-spike stands at .32 right now. His doctor really loves him and is always so happy to be able to say, “you’re fine, get outta here and go home, see ya in a couple of months.” But, what we really do is just talk to him about personal stuff, his vacations and such, and visit for a few. Yes, we feel blessed, and lucky. We know it could have been so much worse and, indeed, the doctors were quite pessimistic way back then.

My husband’s mental strength continues to amaze me. He refuses to let MM define him and he does not feel sorry for himself. I don’t know how he does it. In our support group last month, several patients said that they find the mental part harder than the physical part. Our next group speaker is a therapist who will talk about that, so, good timing on that booking.

All in all, life goes along pretty “normally” if not predictably. Maybe not other folks’ normal, but our version of normal. I’m still not taking care of myself well enough. Tim looks fabulous and I look like I’m aging double time. As usual, we are stuck still having to “make a living” instead of doing things that would bring us much more joy in the time we have left together. The goals for self-care or weekend trips have fallen flat, for sure. One thing that we are very happy about is that our daughter is doing so awesome in college. She LOVES her school and is thriving so much. We miss her like crazy but it sure helps to see how blissfully happy she is and how much she has grown. Tim was just saying last night that his doc told him he would not see her graduate high school, but now he feels confident he will see her graduate college in May of 2020 (I actually count off the months) and is setting his sights on walking her down the aisle one day. From his mouth to God’s ears.