Enough!

It’s late, well late for me. I am wide awake after trying to get to sleep for over an hour and a half. I know for some people that is quite normal, but for me it is far from normal. I am one of those annoying people who falls asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow. Mike is upstairs coughing, I’m not sure he’s even awake still. There’s nothing new in him coughing, he’s been doing it practically every night since his SCT, tonight though it has reached a point where it is annoying the hell out of me. The noise is compounded by the whistling of the wind, rattling the fence panels outside. I can’t shut the window, the lack of fresh air only compounds his cough. My anxiety is heightened to such a point I wonder if I even want to continue with my life. I’m not suicidal, just not sure there’s any point in continuing with the life I have. All very confusing. Trapped in a infinity loop. I have to look after him, I love him, I can’t keep looking after him, it’s destroying me, I have to look after him, even if he doesn’t even see my suffering. Will it end?