April Showers Bring May Flowers

The fact that I am writing this today makes me so happy – just because I feel good enough to do it!  Some things occurred that I hadn’t expected and brought my blogging to a halt.  Let me fill you in.

I had the two days of hi-dose chemo and the next day, March 6th, I got my stem cells back. That was transplant day.  It wasn’t a long process but I wasn’t comfortable because they gave me a lot of benadryl which hyped be up instead of calmed me down. But all went well.  The following week, I started to not feel so great and by Friday the 13th I was not feeling good at all.  My first thought that morning was that I didn’t think I’d have enough energy the next day to get up at 5:30am again, go to the hospital and do our usual routine.  When we reported how I was doing and feeling it was soon decided that I needed to be admitted to the hospital – no argument from me at all.  My room was literally around the corner from the out patient clinic so off I went.  Turns out that a side effect of this chemo can be what’s called mucositis, a painful inflammation of the mucous membranes of the digestive tract starting in the mouth. I’m told only 5% of chemo patients get this condition and only 1% get it really bad – well that would be me.  They treated me with fluids and IV antibiotics.  My brother spent every night there with me and with the exception of one night when one of my sisters subbed for him, he was there with me for 12 days because I was there for 13 days.  There were some other complications that delayed my discharge but that finally occurred on March 26th. Of course my expectation was that I would start to immediately feel better – NOT! I was still on antibiotics and other drugs but I had no appetite and food didn’t taste so good and additionally didn’t smell so good either.  I have been working these past few weeks to eat more but it’s been hard.  I am only now feeling a better appetite.  I lost about 15 pounds and I need those back to gain my strength back.   Today I am feeling like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and that is a wonderful feeling.  I left my home on February 12th so I am kind of longing now to get back.  I am currently going every other day to Hopkins to get fluids and they are watching the labs closely.  My while blood cells are growing well.

So I ask myself what have I learned now from all this?  I pretty much accepted the situation and the hospitalization.  I was well taken care of and I think I kept a pretty positive spirit.  I got quite grouchy the last week in the hospital because they told me on a Saturday that I would be discharged Sunday, but they kept delaying that until finally the discharge happened on Thursday. Sometime after I was back at my brother’s I got down about not making any progress.  I wrestled with this feeling and felt bad about myself for despairing.  But then I bounced back realizing that I couldn’t focus on the future, I had to just be with what was in that day and accept it, knowing that it would eventually change – after all, everything does, right?

I SO miss my kids and their kids!  They are the first people I want to see when I get home.  Hugs will be big and long!  I know that day is coming soon. I will update again soon.  With love, Kathy