Day 55 and the journey continues.

Today I was looking back at some old blog posts from this time last year, when we were enjoying some French sunshine. It did bring back some lovely memories and showed both Colin and I really enjoying and living life to the full. That seems to be something that has been rather lacking over the last six months as I have allowed myeloma to get the better of me. I am not going to beat myself up about it though as when one is physically so poorly it really does take a big toll on your mental wellbeing. Along with the physical ill health comes plenty of anxiety which in turn does no good for the healing process. As those of you who know me well will appreciate, I am probably one of the most optimistic dreamers around, always playing the glad game made so famous in the film Pollyanna. In fact only my lovely daughter Pollyanna is better at playing the game. I have however, had to learn a new skill recently and that is living in the moment, the here and now, instead of drifting off into some sort of fantasy land and dreaming up all sorts of crazy plans. I am not knocking that though as it has worked very well for me in the past so I am not about to give up on visualising altogether. I am just learning to appreciate the moment more. I have become some what nervous about planning too far ahead though for the fear of being let down again, but I think as my health continues to improve this may become less of a problem.

We have been out in the motorhome a few times over the last few days. Colin wanted to visit Houghton Mill in Cambridgeshire on Monday, so we made good use of our National Trust membership cards. I didn’t go in as I wouldn’t have managed any further than the ground floor but I was quite happy relaxing in the motorhome. Yesterday we popped over to Dunelm to buy a little lap table and we stopped off at the BMW garage to try out sitting in one of their new cars. Although our little car has not let us down over the last few years of ownership, it has never been very comfortable. I have just applied for the higher rate of disability allowance which if I am successful, will allow us to rent a car through the mobility scheme, so any tips on the most comfortable cars would be much appreciated.

Tomorrow I am off to the Cancer Hair Care charity to get some tips on tying my scarves and a bit of much appreciated pampering. I am still very hairless with no sign yet of any new growth, so not sure how long that will take to come back. Being bald is very liberating and I don’t mind it too much, especially if I feel strong enough to put on a bit of make up, but I don’t like to frighten other people too much and I do get some funny looks if I go out without a hat or scarf. Maybe I need to find out my old wig again. I also hope to see little Elliot sometime tomorrow. Then if the weather is good on Friday and over the weekend we may take another trip out in the motorhome with our good friends and fellow motorhomer’s.

My strength is coming back but it’s an extremely slow process. I have just realised the time and I am still lying here in bed! I have however managed a bath which does seem to take an enormous amount of energy nowadays.

Well today I am appreciating being at home. I am not in hospital, I have no temperature or infections and even after a full English breakfast I have no feelings of nausea, how good is that!

Onwards and upwards my friends. I feel our arms are metaphorically linked and you are holding me up and guiding me along. Your are my strength.

With much love and gratitude.

Deborah x

Filed under: emotional wellbeing, general chit chat, Myeloma