Not Good Not Bad

Since my last post The Best Laid Plans I had a further light chain test, the results of which were pretty similar to the previous ones.  So not good not bad, just the same. Strangely, the last few hospital lab test results are in normal range but the trial test results are slightly out of normal range and in both sets of tests there has been little movement which my consultant finds reassuring. Perhaps the blood samples don’t travel well to where they are tested in France for the trial!

So the plan now is that there isn’t one! The situation remains the same. I have started my 12th cycle of treatment today and if my test results show any further rises the chances are I will have my second stem cell transplant sooner rather than later. If not I’ll continue with treatment hopefully until around August and then I will have a transplant. I feel much calmer about this now than I did when I wrote my last post. Right now I don’t have the energy to spend on being disappointed about not being able to plan etc because I have flu and am feeling pretty drained. It is not the way I would have liked to have come to terms with my situation but there it is (ideally I would have liked to come to accept the uncertainty of my situation through the path of spiritual enlightenment but we can’t have everything we want!).

I woke up in the early hours of Tuesday morning feeling shivery and with a temperature of 38.5. Oh dear, time to read the Haematology card I carry with me. it operates as a sort of get out of jail free card if I need to go to A&E. It means I should be seen sooner as someone with a compromised immune system and preferably in a isolation room.  Even so being in A&E is a hellish experience to be avoided.

IMG_0505                                                                                                                                         IMG_0502

 

Although I am meant to contact the 24 hour haematology helpline with a temp of 37.5 and over, I knew they would tell me to go to A&E and I couldn’t face that so I piled on the duvets until I felt warmer and slept intermittently. Having survived the night, I then rang the trial nurse, Pippa at 9am. She arranged for me to go to the Haematology day unit and said I would be reviewed by a doctor.  Five hours later I was sent home with antibiotics after being tested, swabbed, examined and X rayed. My temperature had at least gone down but I felt exhausted. Nothing conclusive but the next day, the Italian doctor I saw rang me and said I had influenza and that he would arrange for me to be prescribed Tamiflu.  Flu?  Now I felt seriously ill!  So I have been resting but not bed resting, I am not very good at that, coughing a lot and producing copious amounts of snot. The worst thing though has been the combined effect of self pity, a lot of time spent alone and severe tiredness resulting in very negative flights of fancy about flu becoming pneumonia, treatment stopping, myeloma returning with a vengeance etc etc,  you know where this is going! I must admit too feeling a little like the cat below at times!

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As I am recovering, fortunately I am regaining my sense of perspective.  I hope that as my energy returns I don’t start getting frustrated and anxious about my situation and can retain that feeling of detachment that having the flu has given me.

Ps in case you are wondering, I have had the flu jab!