Throttling the Bully

If Multiple Myeloma were a kid, it would be that brat you grew up with that talked back to the teacher and bullied your friends.  That kid that made you want to be the class hero and punch in the face.  I knew a kid like that.  His name was Jonathan, and I remember having that recurring dream that I’d throttle him even though he actually scared the patootie out of me.

Obviously being a child and afraid of a bully is much different than being an adult and NOT being afraid of a bully.  My kids know I will not, under any circumstance, tolerate bullying.  In fact, if they are faced with a situation of standing up for a friend or themselves in the face of a bully, by golly they better do it.  That’s how I’m going to approach my growing (yes, it’s gotten bigger) monster tumor that MM gave to me.  Now when the Arkansans are ‘melting’ it (that’s what they call it when they dose me with high levels of chemo) I can focus on throttling it and be oh so satisfied when they tell me the monster’s been melted away!  Unfortunately, that’s only part of the problem, but the easiest place to start.  It was, after all, what inspired this blog in the first place.

For those readers that don’t know, the cancer that is causing the tumor, known as a plasmacytoma, to grow is actually a plasma cancer.  Since plasma is everywhere, quite annoyingly, so is multiple myeloma.  We can’t just get rid of the tumor, treat the area and go.  It doesn’t work that way.  My bone marrow biopsy results came back with plasma cell myeloma involving 85% of the marrow in my body.  Yup, that’s a big number.  It’s okay, though.  I will beat this…throttle it!

I’ve been told the specifics about how this will happen, but if I try to repeat it I’ll just end up looking like an idiot.  Look, I’m a blogger, not a doctor!  (heheheheee;)  Anyway, my short term goal is to get onto a clinical trial in Arkansas, and my long term goal is to CURE this cancer.  Not remission, but CURE.  We asked my oncologist what the definition of ‘cure’ is in the cancer world, and she replied, ‘no evidence of the existence of disease.’  My chart will say those words when all’s said and done.  This is a rare cancer with some even more rare variables, but I’m young, healthy, determined and angry that I’m here in the first place.

I’m ready to get started, and I will not tolerate this bully!

‘My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.’  Proverbs 4:20-22