So much to be grateful for.

It’s not been the best of weeks but yesterday I coped better than I thought I would. There were some tears, as I had imagined there would be, but I hadn’t been back to work since I took some annual leave just before Christmas. Who would have known then that I would be retiring? To be honest it was a great sense of relief and as I looked around the walls and through my filing cabinets, I wondered how I ever coped with a job with such an enormous amount of responsibility. I think cancer has robbed me of some of the confidence I used to have but I really do have so much to be grateful for. I was paid a good salary for doing a job I loved, not everybody gets to be that lucky. Today is Colin’s turn to go out to work as he embarks on a painting and decorating job. I must admit I am really missing him but the time on my own has provided me with the opportunity to do some major sorting out. As I re-arrange all the stuff we have managed to accumulate, I wish I was better at throwing things out or at least giving stuff away. I am also rather a lot slower than I used to be. I am finding it quite hard to get back into the swing of things and feeling quite lazy and unmotivated which is not like me at all. I have always been quite self disciplined and excited about all the opportunities in front of me but now I could spend the days quite happily sitting around in my PJ’s. I expect I will get the old mojo back before long.
I really am doing OK and it was good to get the all clear again from my consultant on Tuesday. My paraproteins are still at a level that is too faint to quantify. Apparently, although I have a couple of dodgy indicators, as my body responded so well to treatment, that equals things out and I am only at a medium risk of starting the whole process again in a couple of years time. If I am lucky, which usually I am, it will be more like ten years, which I reckon is enough time for a cure to be found. Meanwhile I need to go out and grab life with both hands but first a little rest is in order.
Love to you all
Deborah xxx

Filed under: general chit chat, Myeloma