2012 started off like any other year. I made resolutions and I broke said resolutions. Everything else up to the 17 August is a blur. I can’t remember very much of it as you will see, but then at the time, I did not know that I needed to remember it. I was just having fun and living my life. A meagre and meaningless existence for some, but all so very special to me.

In that first eight months, I know I would have gone to the cinema (once a week). I definitely went to the pub a few times and socialised with my friends. I also went to work every weekday. I did not go on holiday and I did not invent something spectacular. I just did what I did.

January was a typical January. It started with a horrific hangover and me waking up at 17:30hrs on 1 January after what can only be described as a three day bender. It was not nice. I made three resolutions, two of which were to drink less and lose some weight. Both lasted less than a fortnight, but little did I know that August would make these things happen rather than actual willpower. Thanks Myeloma. Socially, the month was taken up by my annual quest to watch as many Oscar nominated films as possible, a quest which went on into February. At the end of the month, I received an email, which stated that I made up characters to make my life seem more interesting then it actually is. I definitely dwelled on those words for longer than I should have done, but as it turns out, Myeloma has now become that character.

I do not remember what happened in February. Though I know the Oscars went ahead as scheduled and that I watched all the films nominated in the major categories as well as the ceremony itself, live for the thirteenth year in a row. I fear treatment will dictate that I will not make it a fourteenth in 2013. Sad face. Oh, this just came to me, my five year old niece came to London for the weekend and I took her on my ideal date. We fed some ducks.

In March my Gran died. I found out in my office and sat at my desk for two hours without telling anybody.

April is the fourth month of the year.

My birthday is in May, so my memory of this month is slightly better, despite spending three days (bar the hours working on the Friday) intoxicated. Housemate moved in, I baked, somebody told me they were in love with me then forgot about it and Mamma Jones and I went on a mini-break to Edinburgh. I believe this was the last time I saw the sea.

June was fun, that much I remember. I went to Field Day and Lovebox, which being in Victoria Park was delightful given the proximity to my bed, I started going to Zumba where my hips were unleashed for all to see and I enjoyed cheap beer in Wellington Barracks’ mess. June really was fun.

July proved to be a good time to be in London, despite the slow deterioration of my body. Everything was leading up to the Olympics, I saw the torch twice, went back to the Barracks, and I became obsessed with taking photographs of tourists. The start of August also rolled into this, for I spent a week of my sick leave lying on my sofa watching other people do sport. It was grand.

On 17 August everything changed and that change is well documented.

My year did not pan out how I had intended.

I did not go on the two holidays I had planned nor did I go to see my friends at the Edinburgh Fringe. I could not go to Bestival and I did not go to see any films at the London Film Festival. I have missed a number of my friends’ birthday celebrations and I stopped going to the pub. I lost two stones and gained facial hair. I no longer get the 38 bus to Piccadilly every working day and I do not cross the Blue Bridge in St James’ Park whilst walking to the sound of the beat. The mug in my locker on the 7s has long been neglected and I have not been on the 07:35hrs train from Kings Cross to Wakefield since July. In short, in September, October, November and December, everything has changed and I remember it all.

I remember my family and I remember my friends and I remember my positivity. In 2012 I have overused the term ‘Support Network’, I put my hands up and acknowledge that, but there is nothing I can do about that. Everybody in my beloved Support Network gives me the strength to not give up, even when the situation looks hopeless and the tears are in free flow.

It would be a fair assessment to say that this year has been a big pile of stinking shit covered in flies. Sure, it was memorable and life changing, but I would rather have been able to carry on with my meagre and meaningless existence.

So, bye bye 2012. You fucked everything up.